The Dictionary of Body Language

I CAME TO the United States as a refugee fleeing Communist-controlled Cuba. I was eight years old and didn?t speak English. I had to adjust quickly?in other words, I had to observe and decode my new surroundings. What native speakers took for granted, I could not. My new existence consisted of deciphering the only thing that made sense?body language. Through their countenance, their look, the softness in their eyes, or the tension in their face, I learned to interpret what others implied. I could figure out who liked me, who was indifferent toward my existence, whether someone was angry or upset with me. In a strange land, I survived by observing. There was no other way. Of course, American body language was a little different from Cuban body language. People in America spoke with a different cadence and vibrancy. Cubans got close to one another when they spoke, and often touched. In America they stood farther apart, and social touching might receive an uncomfortable glance or worse. My parents worked three jobs each, so they did not have the time to teach me these things??I had to learn them on my own. I was learning about culture and the influence it has on nonverbals, even if I couldn?t have put it in those words at the time. But I did know that some behaviors were different here, and I had to understand them. I developed my own form of scientific inquiry, observing dispassionately and validating everything I saw not once or twice but many times before it made its way onto an index card. As my cards grew in number, certain patterns in behavior began to stand out. For one, most behaviors could be broadly categorized as markers of either psychological comfort or discomfort; our bodies reveal very accurately, in real time, our state of unease.

- Page 3 (location ~ 44-57)

How often, after I had learned English, I heard people say they liked something when just an instant earlier I had seen their face reveal the complete opposite. And so, too, I learned at an early age about deception. People often lie, but their nonverbals usually reveal how they actually feel. Children, of course, are terrible liars; they might nod to acknowledge they have done something bad even as they are verbally denying it. As we get older, we get better at lying, but a trained observer can still spot the signs that say something is wrong, there are issues here, a person does not appear to be completely forthcoming, or someone lacks confidence in what he is saying. Many of those signals or behaviors are collected here in this book. As I grew older, I came to rely more and more on nonverbals. I relied on them at school, in sports, in everything I did?even playing with my friends. By the time I had graduated from Brigham Young University, I had collected more than a decade?s worth of observations. There, for the first time, I was living among many more cultures (east Europeans, Africans, Pacific Islanders, Native Americans, Chinese, Vietnamese, and Japanese, among others) than I had seen in Miami, and this allowed me to make further observations. At school I also began to discover the fascinating scientific underpinnings of many of these behaviors. To take just one example: in 1974 I got to see congenitally blind children playing together. It took my breath away. These children had never seen other children yet were exhibiting behaviors that I had thought were visually learned. They were demonstrating ?happy feet? and the ?steeple? with their hands, despite having never witnessed them. This meant these behaviors were hardwired into our DNA, part of our paleo-circuits?these very ancient circuits that ensure our survival and ability to communicate and are thus universal.

- Page 4 (location ~ 61-75)

I was the second-youngest agent ever hired by the FBI. At the age of twenty-three I had again entered a new world. Though I felt unprepared in many ways to be an agent, there was one domain I had mastered: nonverbal communication. This was the only area where I felt confident. FBI work is, for the most part, about making observations. Yes, there are crime scenes to process and criminals to apprehend, but the majority of the job is talking to people, surveilling criminals, conducting interviews. And for that I was ready. My career in the FBI spanned twenty-five years, the last thirteen of which I spent in the Bureau?s elite National Security Behavioral Analysis Program (NS-BAP). It was in this unit, designed to analyze the top national security cases, that I got to utilize my nonverbal skills as if on steroids. This unit, comprising just six agents selected from among twelve thousand FBI Special Agents, had to achieve the impossible: identify spies, moles, and hostile intelligence officers seeking to do harm to the United States under diplomatic cover. During my time in the field I honed my understanding of body language. What I observed could never be replicated in a university laboratory. When I read scientific journals about deception and body language, I could tell that the authors had never actually interviewed a psychopath, a terrorist, a ?made? Mafia member, or an intelligence officer from the Soviet KGB. Their findings might be true in a lab setting, using university students. But they understood little of the real world. No lab could replicate what I had observed in vivo, and no researcher could approximate the more than thirteen thousand interviews I had done in my career, the thousands of hours of surveillance video I had observed, and the behavioral notations that I had made. Twenty-five years in the FBI was my graduate school; putting multiple spies in prison based on nonverbal communications was my dissertation. A FTER RETIRING FROM the FBI, I wanted to share what I knew about body language with others. What Every BODY Is Saying, published in 2008, was the product of that quest. In that book the concepts of ?comfort? and ?discomfort? took center stage, and I unveiled the ubiquity of ?pacifiers??such as touching our faces or stroking our hair?body behaviors we use to deal with everyday stress. I also sought to explain where these universal behaviors came from, drawing upon psychological research, evolutionary biology, and cultural contexts to explain why we do the things we do. What Every BODY Is Saying became an international best seller; it has been translated into dozens of languages and has sold more than a million copies around the world. When I wrote What Every BODY Is Saying, I had no idea how popular it would become. At my speaking engagements in the years following its publication, I kept hearing the same thing: people wanted more, and they wanted it in a more easily accessible format. What many readers asked for was a field guide of sorts, a quick reference manual for behaviors they might encounter in day-to-day life.

- Page 6 (location ~ 81-104)

RUNNING FINGERS THROUGH HAIR (MEN) ?When stressed, men will run their fingers through their hair both to ventilate their heads (this lets air in to cool the vascular surface of the scalp) and to stimulate the nerves of the skin as they press down. This can also be a sign of concern or doubt. VENTILATING HAIR (WOMEN) ?The ventilating of hair is a powerful pacifier, relieving both heat and stress. Women ventilate their hair differently than men. Women lift up the hair at the back of their neck quickly when concerned, upset, stressed, or flustered. If they do it repeatedly, most likely they are overly stressed. Nevertheless, we cannot discount overheating due to physical activity or ambient temperature as a cause. Men tend to ventilate on the top of the head by running their fingers through the hair.

- Page 10 (location ~ 140-146)

HAIR FLIPPING/TOUCHING ?Hair flipping, touching, or pulling is common when we are trying to attract the attention of a potential mate. The movement of the hand as it touches the hair is often deemed attractive (note most any hair commercial). Our orientation reflex (OR), a primitive reaction that alerts us to any movement, is especially attuned to hand movements?something magicians have always counted on. A hand reaching for the hair can draw our attention even from across the room. Incidentally, the orientation reflex operates on such a subconscious level, it is even seen in coma patients as the eyes track movement.

- Page 10 (location ~ 147-151)

HAIR PULLING ?The intentional and repetitive pulling out of hair is called trichotillomania. Hair pulling is more often seen in children and teenagers who are experiencing stress, but it is also occasionally seen in adults. Men tend to pluck hair from the corners of their eyebrows, while women are far more wide-ranging: plucking their eyelids, head hair, eyebrows, and arm hair. This is a stress response; even birds will pull out their own feathers when stressed. The repetitive pulling out of the hair, like a nervous tic, pacifies by stimulating nerve endings; unfortunately, when it becomes severe, it requires medical intervention.

- Page 10 (location ~ 152-156)

HEAD NODDING ?During conversations nodding serves to affirm, usually in cadence, that the person is hearing and receptive to a message. Generally, it signals agreement, except in those situations where the head nodding is accompanied by lip pursing ( see #154), which might suggest disagreement. HEAD NODDING (CONTRADICTION) ?We usually see this in young children, as when a parent asks a child ?Did you break the lamp?? and the child answers ?No? but nods. This contradictory behavior betrays the truth. I have seen this with kids, teenagers, and even adults.

- Page 11 (location ~ 157-162)

HEAD SCRATCHING ?Head scratching soothes us when we have doubts or feel frustrated, stressed, or concerned. You see it with people trying to remember information or when they are perplexed. This explains why it is often seen by teachers as students ponder a test question. Very rapid head scratching often signals high stress or concern. It can also signal the person is conflicted as to what to do next. HEAD STROKING ?Beyond the function of keeping one?s hair in place, people will stroke their hair with the palm of the hand to soothe themselves when stressed or confronted with a dilemma or while pondering how to answer a question. This is not dissimilar to a mother comforting her child by stroking the child?s head. This pacifying behavior can have an immediate calming effect. Once more, this behavior may signal doubt or conflict, especially if done to the back of the head.

- Page 11 (location ~ 166-172)

INTERLACED FINGERS BEHIND HEAD, ELBOWS UP ?The interlacing of the fingers behind the head with the elbows out is called ?hooding? because the person looks like a cobra when it hoods?making the person seem bigger. This is a territorial display we do when comfortable and in charge. When we hood, the interlaced fingers behind the head are both comforting and soothing, while the elbows out project confidence. Hooding is rarely done when someone of higher status is present.

- Page 12 (location ~ 175-178)

REACHING FOR HEAD (STUPEFIED) ?People who are shocked, in disbelief, or stupefied might suddenly reach for their head with both hands so that the hands are near the ears but not touching them, with the elbows out toward the front. They might hold this position for several seconds as they try to make sense of what happened. This primitive, self-protective response might follow when someone has made a major faux pas, such as a driver crashing into his own mailbox, or a player running toward the wrong goal line. INTERLACING FINGERS ON TOP OF HEAD ?Usually performed with the palms down, this behavior stands out because it is intended to cover the head and yet the elbows are usually out and wide. We see this when people are overwhelmed, at an impasse, or struggling, when there has been a calamity (after hurricanes or tornados by those who lost property), or when things are not going their way. Note the position of the elbows: as things get worse, they tend to draw closer together in front of the face almost unnaturally, as if in a vise. Also note the pressure: the worse the situation, the greater the downward pressure of the hands. This behavior is quite different from ?hooding? ( see #15), where the palms are placed on the back of the head and the person is quite confident.

- Page 12 (location ~ 179-188)

STRESS LINES ?On some individuals, their life struggles are marked by deep grooves on their forehead, even at a young age. Life experiences often etch our foreheads with lines, furrows, and other indentations. The forehead can reflect a difficult or stressful life or a life that has been spent outdoors in the sun, which tends to make forehead markings more prevalent. FOREHEAD SWEATING ?If the degree of stress is high enough, some people begin to spontaneously sweat. Sweating is very individual. Some sweat profusely with their first sip of coffee, or climbing a flight of stairs, so make sure to get a baseline of this behavior before jumping to any conclusion. Baseline behaviors are those behaviors we equate with ?normal,? when a person is not stressed or overly affected by emotions. TEMPLE VEIN THROBBING ?When a person is under stress, the superficial temporal veins (those nearest the skin on the sides of our heads and just behind the eyes) might pulse or throb visibly. It is a very accurate indicator of autonomic arousal due to anxiety, concern, fear, anger, or, occasionally, excitement. Autonomic arousal is the brain?s way of automatically going into survival mode?compelling the heart and the lungs to work faster in anticipation of physical activity such as running or fighting.

- Page 14 (location ~ 212-222)

PRESSING HAND ON FOREHEAD ?Pressing the hand flat against the forehead helps relieve tension caused by stress, doubt, or insecurity. This is different from slapping the hand on the forehead; it looks as though the person is trying to push his head backward. As with so many other behaviors, this is intended to soothe the individual psychologically through tactile pressure on the skin.

- Page 15 (location ~ 228-231)

EYEBROW ARCHING/FLASHING (HAPPY) ?Eyebrow arching or flashing conveys excitement (such as when greeting a close friend) or the recognition of something pleasing. We arch our brows in less than one-fifth of a second. It is a gravity-defying behavior, as it is performed in an upward direction, and as with most gravity-defying behaviors, it signifies something positive. Babies just a few months old light up when their mother flashes her eyebrows. Here is a great behavior to let others know we care and are happy to see them. A happy eyebrow flash can be immensely useful and powerful in everyday situations both at home and at work.

- Page 16 (location ~ 245-249)

PUPIL DILATION ?When we are comfortable or like something or someone we encounter, our pupils dilate. We have no control over this. When couples are at ease around each other their pupils dilate as their eyes try to soak up as much light as possible. This is why dimly lit restaurants are a good place to meet, as it naturally softens the eyes and makes the pupils larger?an effect that makes us relax even more around others.

- Page 18 (location ~ 275-278)

PUPIL CONSTRICTION ?Our pupils constrict when we see something we don?t like or when we have negative emotions. Pupil constriction is easier to detect in light-colored eyes. Pupils suddenly shrinking to pinpoints suggest something negative has just transpired. Interestingly, our brain governs this activity to make sure that our eyes are focused in times of distress,

- Page 19 (location ~ 279-281)

PUPIL CONSTRICTION ?Our pupils constrict when we see something we don?t like or when we have negative emotions. Pupil constriction is easier to detect in light-colored eyes. Pupils suddenly shrinking to pinpoints suggest something negative has just transpired. Interestingly, our brain governs this activity to make sure that our eyes are focused in times of distress, as the smaller the aperture, the greater the clarity. This is why squinting improves focus.

- Page 19 (location ~ 279-282)

PUPIL CONSTRICTION ?Our pupils constrict when we see something we don?t like or when we have negative emotions. Pupil constriction is easier to detect in light-colored eyes. Pupils suddenly shrinking to pinpoints suggest something negative has just transpired. Interestingly, our brain governs this activity to make sure that our eyes are focused in times of distress, as the smaller the aperture, the greater the clarity. This is why squinting improves focus. RELAXED

- Page 19 (location ~ 279-283)

RELAXED EYES ?Relaxed eyes signal comfort and confidence. When we are at ease, the muscles around the eyes, the forehead, and the cheeks relax?but the minute we are stressed or something bothers us, they become tense. Babies often demonstrate this quite strikingly, as their facial muscles suddenly scrunch up before they begin to cry. When trying to interpret any body-language behavior, always refer back to the eyes for congruence. If the orbits (eye sockets) look relaxed, chances are all is well. If suddenly there is tension around the eyes or squinting, the person is focusing or might be stressed. The muscles of the eyes and the sur rounding tissue react to stressors much more quickly than other facial muscles do, offering almost immediate insight into a person?s mental state.

- Page 19 (location ~ 283-288)

BLINK RATE ?Blink rates can vary depending on environment and the amount of stress or arousal a person is experiencing. Each individual is different, but a typical rate is between sixteen and twenty blinks per minute, depending on lighting conditions and humidity. People looking at computers blink less (many of whom complain of dry eyes or eye infections?tears have antibacterial properties), while those who work where there is dust or pollen will blink more. Also, be aware that wearing contact lenses can increase how often we blink. When we are around someone who arouses us, our blink rate also tends to increase. FREQUENT BLINKING ?People who are nervous, tense, or stressed will generally blink more rapidly than those who are not. Frequent blinking is erroneously associated with deception. It is only indicative of stress or other factors noted above as even the honest blink more frequently when being questioned aggressively.

- Page 20 (location ~ 295-302)

GAZE SUPERIORITY ?All over the world, studies have shown that high-status individuals engage in more eye contact, while both speaking and listening. Less powerful people tend to make more eye contact with these higher-status individuals while listening but less while speaking. In Japan as well as other Asian Pacific countries this is even more pronounced. Incidentally, we tend to favor individuals who make direct eye contact with us, especially if they are of higher status. Eye contact from high social status individuals, movie stars, for instance, makes us feel favored.

- Page 21 (location ~ 313-317)

GAZE AND SENTIMENTS ?Around the world, those who study dating cues have noted that oftentimes the first clue that people?s feeling for each other have changed is how they look at each other. Long before words are exchanged, the look of increased interest telegraphs that the relationship is changing from friendly to more intimate. How Julie Andrews (as Maria) began to change the way she looked at Christopher Plummer (Captain Von Trapp) in the movie The Sound of Music or how Emma Stone (Mia) changed the way she looked at Ryan Gosling?s character (Sebastian) in La La Land is emblematic of how our gaze changes to reflect our changing sentiment before our words do. It is true in real life as well as in the movies. GAZE ENGAGING ?This is a behavior intended to get the attention of another person in a warm or romantic way. What makes this behavior stand out is the softness of the face and the repeated attempts to connect, eye to eye, always with a gentleness of the eyes, face, and mouth. We most often see this in dating settings, where it lets the other person know you are interested in further contact or proximity. I have seen strangers engage gazes across broad spaces, communicating their yearning.

- Page 21 (location ~ 319-328)

GAZING VERSUS STARING ?There is a big difference between gazing at someone and staring at someone. Staring tends to be more impersonal, distant, or confrontational, signaling that we find someone suspicious, alarming, or odd. On the other hand, gazing signals that we take comfort in someone, a much more inviting behavior. When we stare we are on alert; when we gaze we are intrigued, even welcoming. Staring can trigger offense, especially in close quarters such as a bus or subway. CLOSED EYES ?During a meeting, someone with closed eyes that take a long time to open or that suddenly shut and remain so for longer than usual is probably having issues. It is a blocking behavior that reveals dislike, concern, disbelief, or worries?some form of psychological discomfort. Long delays in eye opening reveal deep concern. Conversely, in an intimate setting, closed eyes say, ?I trust you, I am blocking everything else out, and I am in the moment with my other senses.? Notably, even children born blind will cover their eyes when they hear things they don?t like or they find troubling.

- Page 22 (location ~ 329-337)

CRYING ?Crying serves a variety of personal as well as social purposes, most notably providing a cathartic emotional release. Unfortunately, children also learn quickly that crying can be used as a tool to manipulate, and some adults don?t hesitate to use it similarly. In observing a person?s behavior, crying should not be given any more weight than other signals that a person is having a hard time. Crying, if it occurs with great frequency, can also let us know when someone is clinically depressed or struggling psychologically. CRYING WHILE CLUTCHING OBJECTS ?Individuals who cry while clutching at their neck, necklace, or shirt collar are likely undergoing more serious negative emotions than a person merely crying. EYES DARTING ?Eyes that dart back and forth feverishly are usually associated with the processing of negative information, doubt, anxiety, fear, or concern. Use this behavior in conjunction with other information such as facial tension or chin withdrawal ( see #184) to provide a more accurate assessment. It should be noted that some people will dart their eyes back and forth as they analyze a situation, consider options, or think of solutions. This behavior alone is not itself indicative of deception.

- Page 23 (location ~ 348-357)

EYE POINTING ?In some cultures an index finger just under an eye communicates doubt or suspicion. But many people across cultures also do this subconsciously in the form of a light scratching motion as they ponder or question something being said. When traveling abroad, ask locals if this means anything special. In Romania, I was told that the finger under the eye was a sign often used to communicate ?Be careful, we don?t trust everyone who is listening.? EYE-POINTING CLUSTER ?Pointing of the index finger just under the eye (see #59) clustered with eyebrow arching and compressed lips simultaneously conveys doubt, bewilderment, or incredulity. This is especially accurate if the chin is tucked in rather than jutted out. EYE ROLLING ?Rolling of the eyes communicates contempt, disagreement, or dislike. Children often do it to their parents to communicate contention or rebellion. It has no place in a professional setting.

- Page 24 (location ~ 366-374)

FAR-OFF LOOK ?When alone, or even in conversation with others, staring into the distance, avoiding distractions, allows some people to think or contemplate more effectively. This may be a signal not to interrupt someone when they are deep in thought or recollection. GLAZED EYES ?Any number of things can cause the eyes to look glazed, including drugs such as marijuana and alcohol as well as more dangerous substances. When trying to assess whether a person is under the influence of drugs or alcohol, an observer will want to take other behaviors into consideration, such as slurred speech or slowness to respond.

- Page 25 (location ~ 380-384)

LOOKING FOR ACCEPTANCE ?When individuals lack confidence or lie, they tend to scrutinize their audience, scanning faces to see if they are being believed. This behavior is not necessarily demonstrative of deception, only of seeking acceptance for what is said. A rule of thumb: the truth teller merely conveys, while the liar often tries to convince.

- Page 26 (location ~ 391-394)

LOOKING AWAY ?Looking away when conversing has to be viewed in context. When there is psycho logical comfort, such as when talking to friends, we may feel relaxed enough to look away as we tell a story or remember something from the past. Many individuals find looking away helps them recall details. Looking away is not an indication of deception or lying. LONG STARE ?In conversations, silence is often accompanied by a long stare. It can be directed at a person or at something in the distance; it merely indicates that the person is in deep thought or processing information.

- Page 27 (location ~ 401-406)

STARING AGGRESSIVELY ?A stare can intimidate or serve as the prelude to an altercation. Aggression is signaled by the laser-like focus on the eyes, with no attempt to look away or even blink. Interestingly, other primates also engage in this behavior when observing behaviors that are not tolerated or when there is about to be a physical confrontation. ANGRY EYES ?Anger is usually displayed by a constellation of facial cues beginning with the distinctive narrowing of the eyes near the nose (like this: > < ), coupled with a wrinkled or dilated nose and sometimes the pulling back of the lips to reveal clenched teeth. EYES WIDENING (STIFF) ?Eyes that remain wide usually indicate stress, surprise, fear, or a significant issue. If the eyes remain stiffly wide longer than usual, something is definitely wrong. This is usually caused by an external stimulus.

- Page 27 (location ~ 413-420)

NOSE WRINKLING UPWARD (DISGUST) ?The signal or cue for disgust usually involves the nose wrinkling upward (also known as a ?bunny nose?), while the skin contracts along with the underlying muscle (the nasalis), which is very sensitive to negative emotions. Often this gesture will cause the corners of the eyes near the nose to also narrow. Babies, beginning at the age of roughly three months and sometimes even earlier, will wrinkle their noses when they smell things they don?t like. This disgust cue remains with us all our lives. When we smell, hear, or even just see something we don?t like, our nasalis muscle contracts involuntarily, revealing our true sentiments. UNILATERAL NOSE WRINKLING ?As noted above, nose wrinkling or crinkling upward is an accurate indicator of dislike or displeasure and usually occurs on both sides of the nose. However, there are people in whom this occurs only on one side of the nose (uni laterally). As the nose muscles pull upward, wrinkling just one side, they also tend to pull the upper lip of that side of the face. Some people call it the Elvis effect. When the side of the nose is noticeably pulled up, it means the same thing as the full nose wrinkle?dislike. NOSE TWITCHING (CARIBBEAN) ?This behavior is somewhat similar to the disgust display above (see #86) but occurs much faster, sometimes in as little as 1/25th of a second. When a person looks directly at someone, the nose muscle will contract rapidly, wrinkling the nose upward?but without the eyes squinting as in the disgust cue above. This behavior is a linguistic shortcut that wordlessly asks ?What?s going on?? ?What happened?? ?What do you need?? It is seen throughout the Caribbean, including in Cuba, Puerto Rico, and the Dominican Republic, and thus also found in U.S. cities that have large Caribbean populations such as Miami and New York. At the Miami International Airport, I?m frequently greeted at the coffee counter with this nose twitch, which means ?What can I get you?? If you see it, just place your order.

- Page 31 (location ~ 464-481)

INDEX FINGER TO NOSE ?Placing the index finger under the nose or on the side of the nose for a period of time is sometimes associated with pensiveness or concern. Look for other clues to help you discern what it means. This behavior is different from sneaking a nose feel ( see #95) or nose stroking, as in this case the finger just lingers there for a long time. NOSE BRUSHING ?This distinctive behavior of brushing one?s nose very lightly several times with the index finger is usually associated with stress or psychological discomfort, though it can also present in someone pondering something dubious or questionable. HOLDING NOSE HIGH ?A high nose profile?an intentional tilting of the head, with the nose pointed upward?indicates confidence, superiority, arrogance, or even indignation. It is a cultural display, seen in some countries and societies more than in others. It may signal superiority, such as when high-status individuals affirm their rank at the start of a meeting. Italian dictator Mussolini was famous for this, as was General Charles de Gaulle of France. In Russia, the ceremonial guards at the Kremlin are notorious for this nose-high behavior. NOSE TAPPING/SIGNALING ?In many cultures a very overt tapping of the nose with the index finger can mean ?This stinks,? ?I don?t trust you,? ?I question this,? or ?I am watching you very carefully.? It can also mean ?I notice you,? ?You are very clever,? or ?I acknowledge you? (Paul Newman and Robert Redford did this to each other in the movie The Sting).

- Page 32 (location ~ 481-494)

philtrum. People will play with this area by plucking at it, scratching it, or pulling on it when stressed?sometimes rather energetically. The philtrum is also revealing in other ways?sweat tends to gather there when people are stressed. They might also place the tongue between the teeth and the back of the philtrum, pushing it out. Stimulation of this area with the tongue is an easily spotted pacifier. SNEAKING NOSE TOUCH ?Sneaking a pacifying touch by ever so slightly rubbing the nose with the index finger indicates tension that is being masked and the need to convey the perception that everything is fine. Look for it from professionals who are accustomed to being in control but are under stress. It is also often seen in poker players who are trying to hide a weak hand. RAPID NOSE INHALING ?Many people, when about to deliver bad or unpleasant news, will rapidly inhale through the nose, loudly enough to be heard, before they speak. I have also seen people do this as they hear a question that bothers them, and in some instances before they lie. The hairs and the nerves in the nose are very sensitive to moisture as well as air movement and touch. The quick inhale stimulates the hairs and the connected nerve endings, which appears to momentarily mitigate the stress of having to say or reveal something that is troubling. The Mouth The mouth is essential for eating, breathing, and drinking and is also, of course, where we form and pronounce words. Highly sensitive to touch and temperature, the mouth is surrounded by more than ten intricately reflexive muscles that not only respond to touch but also reflect our thoughts and sentiments. The mouth can be seductive or sad, joyous or pained?and it accurately registers when one emotion gives way to another in an instant. After we look at the eyes for information, it is here where we search for additional cues as to what is in the mind. LOUD, SHORT EXHALING ?This type of exhale, where the lips are left slightly open, indicates high stress or frustration. People exhibit this behavior when hearing bad news or when confronted with a difficult situation. It helps relieve stress, especially when we are angry. CATHARTIC EXHALING ?Exhaling with puffed-out cheeks and tight lips indicates that stress is being experienced or has passed. You might see this when a test or an interview is over or after a near accident. This exhale is very audible and takes longer to perform than the above version. AFFIRMATIVE

- Page 33 (location ~ 498-521)

AFFIRMATIVE INHALING ?A sudden loud inhaling makes a distinct sound that is used in Scandinavian countries, parts of the United Kingdom, and Ireland to signify ?Yes? or ?Yes, I agree.? It is a linguistic shortcut, as no words need to be used. The person quickly inhales loudly enough to sound as if she is gasping for air. Once, after a car ride in Sweden, when I asked if we had arrived, the driver merely did an affirmative inhale?and that was it. SUCKING IN AIR THROUGH CORNERS OF MOUTH ?This behavior is both seen and heard. The corners of mouth suddenly open slightly and air is quickly inhaled, making a sucking sound. It is extremely reliable in what it reveals: fright, concern, or anxiety. That the majority of the mouth is closed signifies that the person is, in essence, restricting free movement of the lips, an action that suggests stress and in some cases pain, such as when someone steps on your toes. HOLDING THE BREATH ?Polygraphers know this well: when stressed, many people have an impulse to hold their breath to try to contain their nervous breathing. Often they even have to be told to breathe. Holding one?s breath is part of the freeze, flight, fight response. If you see someone restraining their breathing or actually holding their breath when asked a question, most likely they are experiencing fear or apprehension.

- Page 34 (location ~ 520-531)

VOCAL TICS ?Sudden vocal projection of noises, clicks, chirps, or throat clearing can be alarming if one is not acquainted with Tourette?s syndrome (TS), or other disorders that contribute to vocal tics. Stress and anxiety may be the catalysts for Tourette?s outbursts, and there is nothing for us to do but recognize that this is out of the person?s control. It is also not uncommon to see the arms move erratically. The best we can do is encourage others not to stare, as this is embarrassing for the person with TS. TONGUE BITING/CHEWING ?Some individuals under stress will bite their tongue or the inside of their cheeks in order to soothe their nerves. It is very pronounced in those for whom it has become a nervous tic. The tongue will appear wounded or even ulcerated in places. Under stress the behavior is of course heightened. Unfortunately, tongue and cheek biting, like repeated hair pulling, can become pathological. MOUTH STRETCHING ?When we are afraid or realize we made a mistake, we often find ourselves involuntarily exposing the bottom row of clenched teeth as the corners of the mouth stretch substantially downward and to the side. This is often seen when we are reminded that we forgot to bring something important.

- Page 36 (location ~ 540-550)

SMOKING ?People who smoke do so more often when they are stressed. Note any deviations from a person?s normal smoking routine as evidence of how stressed they may be. They may be so stressed they lose count of how many cigarettes they have lit. Excessive smoking also leads to tobacco stains on the fingers and, of course, the stench in their hands. OVEREATING ?Under stress some people will overeat, sometimes going far beyond their normal food intake. I have seen people during a football game consume vast amounts of food, to the point of getting sick, their anxiety over the status of their favorite team transferred to their appetite. TONGUE IN CHEEK ?Pushing the tongue firmly against one cheek and holding it in place serves to relieve tension. This is most often seen in individuals facing high stress or in those hiding information or who

- Page 37 (location ~ 555-562)

SMOKING ?People who smoke do so more often when they are stressed. Note any deviations from a person?s normal smoking routine as evidence of how stressed they may be. They may be so stressed they lose count of how many cigarettes they have lit. Excessive smoking also leads to tobacco stains on the fingers and, of course, the stench in their hands. OVEREATING ?Under stress some people will overeat, sometimes going far beyond their normal food intake. I have seen people during a football game consume vast amounts of food, to the point of getting sick, their anxiety over the status of their favorite team transferred to their appetite. TONGUE IN CHEEK ?Pushing the tongue firmly against one cheek and holding it in place serves to relieve tension. This is most often seen in individuals facing high stress or in those hiding information or who are getting away with something. It can also be seen in those who are being playful or cheeky.

- Page 37 (location ~ 555-563)

TONGUE PROTRUDING ?Oftentimes, while performing a complex task, people will stick out their tongue, usually to one side or the other, or drape it over their lower lip. I had an accountant who did this as he entered numbers into a calculator, and I see it all the time at the university when students are taking tests. This tongue placement serves dual purposes: it pacifies us while simultaneously communicating to others that we are busy and should not be disturbed. Michael Jordan famously did this while playing basketball; when his tongue was out, two points usually soon followed. TONGUE PRESSING AGAINST PALATE ?People might press their tongue against the roof of their mouth when they are struggling with something. It is seen in people taking tests, filling out applications, after missing a shot in basketball, or when somebody needs psychological comforting. The mouth is generally left slightly open, allowing observers to at least partially see the tongue.

- Page 38 (location ~ 571-578)

TEETH BARING ?Sometimes people suddenly pull the corners of the mouth back and hold that position while they show their clenched teeth. This is a legacy ?fear grin? very similar to what chimpanzees do when they are scared or fear a dominant male. We humans tend to bare our teeth this way when we get caught doing something we shouldn?t be doing. This behavior might be coupled with a simultaneous arching of the eyebrows, depending on the circumstances. TEETH TAPPING ?When stressed, bored, or frustrated, some people will shift their jaw slightly and tap their canines together, favoring one side of the mouth or the other. This sends repetitive signals to the brain that help soothe us. VOICE TONE ?The tone of our voice can make people comfortable or feel like we are challenging them. We can use the tone of our voice to alter or enhance how we are perceived. You can come off as nice, sweet, kind, loving, and knowledgeable, depending on your tone of voice or alternatively as suspicious, indignant, or arrogant. Tone of voice matters greatly. Ironically, if you want to get people?s attention, lowering your tone of voice will work best. A lower voice is also soothing, as any parent who has put a child to bed will attest. VOICE PITCH ?When we are nervous our voices tend to rise in pitch. Listen for voices that rise or crack when a person is stressed, nervous, or insecure. This is caused by vocal-cord tension.

- Page 39 (location ~ 588-600)

DELAY IN ANSWERING ?Many people erroneously believe that a delay in answering a question signals that a person is lying or is buying time in an attempt to muster a credible answer. Unfortunately, both the honest and the dishonest may delay an answer but for different reasons. The guilty may in fact have to think about what to say while the innocent may be thinking about how best to say it. In my experience, a delay in answering should make us take note but is not indicative of deception. In some cultures?for instance, among many Native Americans?a delay in answering is not unusual as the person contemplates the complexity and nuance of a question. Stress or fatigue can also make us slow to answer. A formal inquiry may also cause us to delay answering because of the seriousness of the hearing. SILENCE ?A prolonged silence, or even just a ?pregnant pause,? may speak volumes. Sometimes, when we cannot remember information or we are contemplating something, a silence is unintentional. But other times it is very much intended, as when a negotiator may go temporarily silent to get the other party to fill in the void. Silence can be used to communicate that the person is pondering, recollecting, considering, processing, or is nonplussed. Great actors use it effectively, as do interviewers. SILENCE AND FREEZE RESPONSE ?When a person suddenly goes silent and stops moving or undergoes breathing changes upon hearing or seeing something, take note. This is a response to something negative that shocks them or causes them to reassess what they know or believe.

- Page 40 (location ~ 607-619)

SPEED OF TALKING ?How fast we speak is a key nonverbal indicator. In some parts of America people speak very slowly and deliberately, while in others speech is fast and clipped. These styles communicate something about the personality of the speakers?where they are from, where they went to school, and more. Changes in a person?s normal speed of talking may indicate stress or reluctance to answer a sensitive question. INCESSANT TALKING ?We have all met people who seem to never stop talking. They might simply be nervous, or they might be inconsiderate of others and focused only on themselves. Context is key. In the aftermath of an accident, a person might ramble, talking nonstop. This is caused by shock. But at a party, the man who talks your ear off is letting you know who he thinks it most important?and it?s not you.

- Page 41 (location ~ 627-633)

REPETITION OF WORDS ?Under high stress, people may repeat certain words over and over in a nonsensical way. Efforts on your part to get them to say more may not work. It is as if they are stuck in a loop. I once heard a victim struck by a vehicle say the word ?metal? over and over again, with a look of fright upon her face. That was all she could say. SPEED OF RESPONSE ?Some people will take their time answering a question, starting, then stopping, then continuing. Others will respond before you finish asking the question. How fast they answer says something about how they are thinking and processing information. Keep in mind that speed of response depends upon cultural context as well as mental agility.

- Page 42 (location ~ 637-642)

REPETITION OF WORDS ?Under high stress, people may repeat certain words over and over in a nonsensical way. Efforts on your part to get them to say more may not work. It is as if they are stuck in a loop. I once heard a victim struck by a vehicle say the word ?metal? over and over again, with a look of fright upon her face. That was all she could say. SPEED OF RESPONSE ?Some people will take their time answering a question, starting, then stopping, then continuing. Others will respond before you finish asking the question. How fast they answer says something about how they are thinking and processing information. Keep in mind that speed of response depends upon cultural context as well as mental agility. SPEEDING THROUGH COMMENTS ?Fast is not always good when answering a question. When a person speeds through an apology, the apology loses its meaning?it seems mechanical and contrived. A similar principle applies in praising or welcoming people. It is at these moments that we should take our time. Speeding through an apology or recognition of another suggests there are issues, such as social anxiety, reluctance, or lack of conviction. It is the speed of talking that is the nonverbal here?as if glancing over what is important. FILLER SOUNDS ?Sounds such as ?aah,? ?hum,? ?hum,? coughing or throat clearing, and hesitations in speaking may indicate people are momentarily at a loss for words and feeling they have to fill the void with at least a sound. Americans are notorious for using filler sounds as they figure out what to say, struggle to find the right words, or bide their time while they recall an experience. Because these are not actual words, they are considered a paralanguage or a nonverbal.

- Page 42 (location ~ 637-651)

LIP FULLNESS ?Our lips change size and dimensions according to our emotional state. They get small when we?re stressed, larger when we?re comfortable. Full, pliable lips indicate relaxation and contentment. When we?re under stress, blood flows out of the lips to other parts of the body where it is needed. Lip fullness can serve as a barometer of a person?s emotional state.

- Page 44 (location ~ 673-675)

LIP PLUCKING ?Pulling or plucking of the lips is usually associated with fear, doubt, concern, lack of confidence, or other difficulties. Ignore people who do this continually to pass the time?for them it is a pacifier. For those who rarely do it, it?s a good indicator that something is wrong. LIP BITING ?Lip biting is a pacifier, usually seen when people are under stress or have concerns. We bite our lips because, after a certain age, it is no longer socially acceptable to suck our thumbs, and biting our lips stimulates the same nerves in the mouth. We might also bite our lips when we want to say something but can?t or shouldn?t. Note also that some people, when angry, will bite their lips as a means of self-restraint. LIP LICKING ?Rubbing the tongue on the lips helps to pacify us in the same way that lip biting does. This behavior is usually associated with concerns, anxiety, or negative emotions; however, it could just be that the person has dry lips, so be careful when drawing conclusions. For some people, however, this is a very reliable indicator that they are very stressed. As an educator, I see this all the time when an unprepared student sits down for a test. LIP NARROWING ?The narrowing of the lips is mostly associated with negative thoughts, concerns, fears, anxiety, or lack of confidence. As we process issues or experience stress, the lips tend to narrow. LIP COMPRESSING ?Throughout the day, as we encounter negative events or uncomfortable thoughts, and concerns, our lips will narrow and press together, accurately transmitting, even if only for an instant, our concerns. Lip compression can be very subtle or can reach a point where the lips noticeably change color as blood is forced out. Lip compression can be very fleeting ( 1 / 20th of a second), and yet it reveals accurately a negative emotion suddenly registered. SLIGHT PRESSING OF LIPS ?Sometimes we show our annoyance with others by slightly compressing the lips. Unlike full lip compression, where both lips are involved, this usually involves only the upper lip. Still, a slight lip compression might reveal something, when considered along with the rest of a person?s body language. COMPRESSED LIPS PULLED DOWN ?You?ll see this striking behavior in people when they realize they made a major mistake or get caught doing something wrong. The lips are held tightly together while the muscles surrounding the mouth contract to bring the lips slightly down, stretching the upper lip away from the nose and pulling the mouth area tightly against the teeth. RELUCTANCE TO DECOMPRESS LIPS ?People who hold their compressed lips together for a long time, reluctant to decompress them, are signaling a high degree of stress or concern. Lip compression is, in a way, a battening down of our hatches, much like covering our eyes with our hands to block out something negative. The greater the tension or apprehension, the greater the need to keep the lips compressed. LIP WITHDRAWING ?When we have deep concerns or anxiety, we might suck our lips into our mouth to the point where they are no longer visible. This signals something very different from lip compressing ( see #147), where much of the lips remain visible. This behavior is often reserved for when there is severe stress, significant physical pain, or great emotional turmoil. LIP QUIVERING ?The quivering of the edges of the lips, no matter how slight, in the absence of alcohol or neurological disorders, indicates discomfort, concern, fear, or other issues. Young people when questioned by parents or other adults in positions of authority often display quivering lips, as do honest people who have never been confronted by law enforcement officers before. I have also heard from human resources personnel that some young people?s lips will quiver when they are asked if they use illicit drugs.

- Page 45 (location ~ 680-713)

SMILE ?A genuine smile is an instant, surefire way to communicate friendliness and goodwill. Around the world it signals warmth, friendliness, and social harmony. Watching someone smile, especially babies, brings us joy. In family relations, dating, and business a smile opens doors as well as hearts. There are a variety of smiles, including social smiles for those whom we don?t know but acknowledge near us, the tense smile of a test taker, and the false smile of those pretending to like us or trying to act comfortable. TRUE SMILE ?A topic of much research; a genuine smile involves the mouth and the muscles around the eyes. This is called a Duchenne smile, according to body-language researcher Paul Ekman. The face is visibly more relaxed in a true smile, as the facial muscles reflect actual joy rather than tension.

- Page 49 (location ~ 738-745)

SMILE ?A genuine smile is an instant, surefire way to communicate friendliness and goodwill. Around the world it signals warmth, friendliness, and social harmony. Watching someone smile, especially babies, brings us joy. In family relations, dating, and business a smile opens doors as well as hearts. There are a variety of smiles, including social smiles for those whom we don?t know but acknowledge near us, the tense smile of a test taker, and the false smile of those pretending to like us or trying to act comfortable. TRUE SMILE ?A topic of much research; a genuine smile involves the mouth and the muscles around the eyes. This is called a Duchenne smile, according to body-language researcher Paul Ekman. The face is visibly more relaxed in a true smile, as the facial muscles reflect actual joy rather than tension. Studies have shown that a genuine smile can be truly ?contagious,? in both professional and personal environments, and is often a trait we associate with charismatic individuals. FALSE SMILE ?False smiles, like nervous smiles, are used for perception management to make others believe everything is OK. They are fairly easy to distinguish from a true smile; however, in a false smile, sometimes only one side of the face is involved, or the smile goes toward the ear rather than the eyes. It looks contrived. A true smile engages the eyes and the facial muscles smoothly on both sides of the face. NERVOUS SMILE ?A nervous or tense smile shows anxiety, concern, or stress. The nervous smile is performed to make others think everything is fine. You often see this on visitors clearing customs at the airport; they nervously smile at the inquisitive officer asking questions.

- Page 49 (location ~ 738-752)

SUDDEN FACIAL TICS ?Facial tics can erupt anywhere on the face (the cheek, a corner of the mouth, the eyes, the forehead) and are specific to each individual. If you suddenly see a nervous twitch, it is usually caused by tension or anxiety. Facial tics often occur on or near the cheeks because of the interconnecting muscles that traverse this area. FACIAL DENTING ?People will push or press their fingers firmly against a cheek to produce sensations that relieve stress?literally making a dent into their own skin. These displays are sometimes quite pronounced, depending on the pressure applied. This is frequently seen at sporting events when the home team is doing poorly. Facial denting can be done with one or two hands or a few fingers on just one side or by pinching the cheeks between the thumb and the index or middle finger in concert. CHEEK OR FACIAL MASSAGING ?Cheek or facial massaging is a good way to release stress. Usually done very softly, it can also signal contemplation. This is a behavior that needs to be considered with other behaviors for an accurate assessment.

- Page 51 (location ~ 775-783)

SUDDEN FACIAL TICS ?Facial tics can erupt anywhere on the face (the cheek, a corner of the mouth, the eyes, the forehead) and are specific to each individual. If you suddenly see a nervous twitch, it is usually caused by tension or anxiety. Facial tics often occur on or near the cheeks because of the interconnecting muscles that traverse this area. FACIAL DENTING ?People will push or press their fingers firmly against a cheek to produce sensations that relieve stress?literally making a dent into their own skin. These displays are sometimes quite pronounced, depending on the pressure applied. This is frequently seen at sporting events when the home team is doing poorly. Facial denting can be done with one or two hands or a few fingers on just one side or by pinching the cheeks between the thumb and the index or middle finger in concert. CHEEK OR FACIAL MASSAGING ?Cheek or facial massaging is a good way to release stress. Usually done very softly, it can also signal contemplation. This is a behavior that needs to be considered with other behaviors for an accurate assessment. CHEEK STRUMMING ?Strumming the fingers on the cheek indicates that someone is bored and wanting to move things along. Verify with other behaviors, such as looking bored or seat shifting. CHEEK FRAMING ?Cheek framing is when a person rests the jaw on an extended thumb and places the index finger up along the side of the cheek. This usu ally involves just one hand and suggests that a person is pondering something, or wants to appear pensive. Some people use this behavior primarily when they doubt what a speaker is saying, while others might simply do it as a means to aid concentration. In dating, it can be an effective pose to show interest from a distance.

- Page 51 (location ~ 775-789)

CHIN TO SHOULDER ?We often see this with people who are embarrassed or emotionally vulnerable. They will, in a very childlike manner, place their chin against one shoulder, looking demure. You should especially note when someone does this while answering a question. It usually means the person has great difficulty discussing a subject, perhaps because she possesses knowledge she does not wish to reveal. CHIN POINTING ?In many cultures, people will point in a direction with their chin, extending it forward as they stretch their neck. This replaces pointing with a finger, and is seen throughout the Caribbean, in Latin America, in parts of Spain, and in the Middle East, as well as on many Native American reservations.

- Page 57 (location ~ 864-870)

FACE AVOIDANCE ?For a variety of reasons, we sometimes try to avoid face-to-face contact with others, even when we are in their immediate proximity. You see this in court between victim and suspect, or during contentious divorce proceedings. The avoidance becomes obvious by how quickly people will change their demeanor, where they are looking, and how stiff they become, not wishing to look about. FACE BLOCKING ?This behavior is noted by the person placing their elbows on top of a table and holding their hands together in front of their face. When asked a question, rather than putting their hands down, they peek around their hands or answer directly into them. They are in essence insulating themselves because of stress, lack of confidence, or because they don?t like the person they are talking to. The hands serve as a psychological barrier. The reluctance to unveil the face is often a strong indicator that there are issues. FACE SHIELDING ?Around the world, people will cup their hands over their face or use objects to hide their face, usually as a result of shame, embarrassment, fear, anxiety, or apprehension. Oftentimes when arrestees are being led to the waiting police car, they will use articles of clothing to face shield. EMOTIONAL ASYMMETRY OF THE FACE ?Recently it has been shown that the face is remarkable in its ability to reveal multiple sentiments at once. It can sneer and show contempt while at the same time giving a social smile. This is likely evidence of multiple internally competing sentiments, which show up on the face as ?leakage.? In my observations, the left side of the face (the right side as you look at the person) tends to be more accurate, especially when it comes to negative emotions. This ability of the face to demonstrate different emotions on different halves is called emotional chirality.

- Page 58 (location ~ 880-894)

ODD FACE IN CROWD ?In dealing with the United States Secret Service on protection details as well as various private-sector companies over the years, I have learned that in a crowd it is often worth trusting our intuition about the odd face that stands out. By that I mean the one that looks angry when everyone else is happy, or that seems transfixed and rigid when the rest of the crowd is displaying a variety of moods. Airline personnel tell me that in a long queue at the airport, it is the odd emotionally charged face, the one that is not fitting in with the others, that often causes the most problems at the counter. SERENITY IN TURMOIL ?Often referred to as ?narcissistic serenity,? this takes place when the face has an unusual and incongruous expression of calm when the situation would seem to call for anything but calm. Lee Harvey Oswald, Timothy McVeigh, and Bernie Madoff all had this same oddly serene look when arrested, despite their circumstances and the horror of their individual crimes. OUT OF PLACE SMIRK (?DUPING DELIGHT?) ?This term, coined by famed researcher Paul Ekman, refers to the out-of-place smirk or half smile a person gives when getting away with something. It is very similar to serenity in turmoil ( see #203). Duping delight is also seen in those who have outwitted someone, or who think someone has bought in to their lies. It is a pretentious smile at a time and place where humility, seriousness, or even contriteness are more appropriate. FACE TOUCHING ?Face touching serves a multitude of purposes. It can attract others?we often see models touching their face on magazine covers. Or it can help us relax by stimulating the myriad of nerves on the face. Context is key.

- Page 59 (location ~ 898-912)

SKIN PULLING ?Pulling at the fleshy area of the neck under the chin serves to calm some men. Sometimes, under great stress, the pulling becomes extreme. It is rare to see in women. I have seen men under stress pull with such vigor, it makes their skin blanch. VENTILATING NECK ?When we are under stress, our skin warms, a physiological reaction controlled by our autonomic nervous system and over which we have little control. This often takes place in less than 1/250th of a second. By ventilating the collar and neck area we relieve the discomfort caused by the flushing or warming of the skin. Heated arguments or even discussions will cause individuals under stress to ventilate, as will hearing a word or a comment that is hurtful. Those of you familiar with the late comedian Rodney Dangerfield (movie Caddyshack, 1980) will remember him doing this in the movie and in his stand-up comedy routines when he didn?t ?get no respect? but especially when he was stressed. HOLDING FIST IN FRONT OF NECK ?Placing a fist at the front of the neck serves the same purpose as covering the neck dimple (suprasternal notch). It is an automatic, subconscious response to threats, fears, or concerns. This behavior occurs primarily in men, but I have seen a few women exhibit it when they are under extreme stress or confronted by something very negative. Many people mistake the fist for a sign of strength, when in reality, in this instance, it is a sign of defensiveness, anxiety, and dislike.

- Page 62 (location ~ 945-956)

NECK EXPOSURE ?The canting of the head to the side, exposing the side of the neck, is one of the most used yet least understood body-language behaviors. We instinctively tilt our head when we hold or even see a newborn baby?something the child recognizes and rewards over time with a smile and relaxed face. As we get older, the head tilt features in courtship behavior, as we stare into a lover?s eyes with our head canted to the side, exposing our vulnerable neck. In personal and professional relationships this behavior also signifies that a person is listening and interested. It is a powerfully disarming behavior?extremely useful during a confrontation. Coupled with a smile, this is one of the most effective ways to win others over. NECK STIFFENING ?When people are attentive and receptive, and especially when they feel comfortable, they will tilt their neck to the side, exposing more of the neck than usual. If the feeling of comfort fades, however, their neck quickly becomes rigid. A stiff neck signifies hyperalertness and vigilance, and might suggest that a person takes issue with something that was just said, or has a serious matter to discuss. When a person goes from a relaxed state to a quick stiffening of the neck, it is a sure sign that something is amiss.

- Page 64 (location ~ 972-981)

RAISING ONE SHOULDER ?One shoulder raised toward the ear as a person answers a question usually represents insecurity or doubt. In conjunction with other behaviors (hesitation in answering, arms drawing closer to the body), this is a good indication that the person lacks confidence in what he is saying. In negotiations, when one party raises a single shoulder in response to a query, such as ?Is that your best price? ,? it generally signals there is room for negotiation. A one-shoulder-up answer suggests a lack of full commitment to what is being said. SHOULDER INTEREST ?The slow, intentional rise of a single shoulder, coupled with a head tilt toward the same shoulder while making direct eye contact, signifies a personal interest. We mostly see this in dating situations, usually in women as they eye someone they like.

- Page 65 (location ~ 988-995)

QUICK SHOULDER SHRUGGING ?When people are asked a question and don?t know the answer, they often raise both shoulders quickly and prominently. The quick upward movement is a gravity-defying behavior and those are usually associated with positive feelings?in this case they really don?t know. This tends to be more honest than a slow shoulder shrug (as they answer ?I don?t know?) or a shrug of just one hesitating shoulder. SITTING LOWER AND LOWER ?People who sink lower and lower into their chairs during a meeting are revealing apprehension or lack of confidence. Like the turtle effect, this is a way of hiding in the open?they might also be hoping not to get called on. But note also that in some people this might be simply a sign of indifference or disinterest. This behavior stands out because the shoulders are lower in relation to the table.

- Page 66 (location ~ 999-1005)

HUGGING ?Hugging, in all its forms, is universally indicative of closeness, good feelings, warmth, and cooperation. While in some cultures a brief social hug, an abrazo (in Latin America), can serve as a greeting gesture similar to shaking hands, how it is performed can indicate how the participants feel about each other. Consider American athletes and movie stars giving each other bro hugs. As an observer, I always note the hug and the facial expressions to give me a reliable sense of how two individuals really feel about each other.

- Page 67 (location ~ 1025-1029)

ANIMATED GESTURES ?Animated gestures reflect our emotions and also get us noticed. Broad gestures are powerful displays when we?re speaking and are essential to dynamic communication. In many cultures, emphasis requires exaggerated gestures. To an outsider, people making such gestures might look like they?re about to fight when in fact they are just being emphatic. GESTURING WHILE SPEAKING ?I often get the question ?Why do we gesticulate?? Gestures are considered an integral part of communication. Gestures help us to get and maintain attention as well as to highlight important points. Gestures even help the person speaking by facilitating greater flexibility in speaking and even with the recall of words. Gestures affect how our message is received and how much of it other people remember. When gestures echo the message, the message is potentiated. We want to be seen gesturing as we speak. If you look at successful TED Talks, you will notice that gestures are an essential element utilized by the best speakers. ARMS AGAINST BODY, HANDS FLEXED ?This is often referred to as restrained elation. When people are pleased with themselves but are trying not to show it, they might hold their arms against their body and then lift their hands at the wrist so the wrist is almost at a ninety-degree angle, with the palms facing down. This can also take place when people are trying to control their excitement and don?t want to be noticed. The behavior may be accompanied by a rise in the shoulders and of course facial displays of joy. ELATION/TRIUMPH DISPLAYS ?Displays of elation or triumph tend to be gravity-defying?in other words, the gesture is made upward or outward away from the body. Sometimes we actually jump out of our seats into the air with our arms and fingers extended. Positive emotions drive gravity-defying gestures, and so around the world triumph displays at sporting events tend to be similar: arms up in the

- Page 68 (location ~ 1030-1045)

makes us feel uncomfortable, we will immediately cover our armpits. ARM CROSSING/SELF-HUGGING ?Self-hugging is an effective way to comfort ourselves while waiting for someone to arrive, while watching a movie in public, or when we need a little bit of self-comforting. This explains why so many passengers on a plane will cross their arms while standing in line to use the restroom. We cross our arms for many reasons. Here are some of the reasons reported to me: ?It?s comfortable?; ?It?s useful when my arms are tired?; ?It hides my boobs?; ?I do it when I am inquisitive?; ?It hides by belly.? Everyone has a good reason and most of the time, it gives them comfort. There are a lot of people that mis takenly equate crossing the arms with keeping people further away?that is usually not the case. ARM CROSSING/PROTECTION ?In some instances the arm cross is a means of protection, rather than a comforting gesture. We might subconsciously seek to shield our vulnerable ventral (belly) side when we feel insecure or threatened. In those cases, we will see more tension in the arms and psychological discomfort in the face. ARM CROSSING/SELF-RESTRAINT ?People might cross their arms to restrain themselves when they?re upset. Picture a customer at an airport counter who has been bumped from a flight. Whereas the self-hug ( see #240) is done with very little pressure, this behavior helps to literally restrain the arms as emotions get out of control. Note that this self-restraining behavior is usually accompanied by facial displays of animosity. ARM CROSSING/DISLIKE ?In the presence of someone we don?t like, we might draw our arms across our belly, attempting to distance or insulate ourselves from that person. Usually this occurs as soon as we see someone objectionable, and that is what distinguishes this behavior and communicates our dislike very accurately. This should be differentiated from self-hugging behaviors by other cues that accompany it, such as a tense face and feet that also turn away. ARM CROSSING/MASSAGING ?Crossing the arms at the chest can be comfortable for many people. However, massaging the opposite shoulder or arm suggests that a person is stressed or concerned. This is most likely to occur when the person is seated at a table with her elbows on the surface, but I have also seen it in people sitting in a chair, a form of self-hugging while they massage the opposite arm to relieve stress or worry. ARM CROSSING, HOLDING WRIST ?When confronted with damaging information in a forensic setting, interviewees will suddenly reach across their belly and hold the wrist of the opposite hand while sitting. Look for it immediately after a person has been asked a difficult question or is accused of something. Poker players have been observed displaying this behavior when their hand is weak or marginal.

- Page 69 (location ~ 1055-1078)

ARM CROSSING/SELF-HUGGING ?Self-hugging is an effective way to comfort ourselves while waiting for someone to arrive, while watching a movie in public, or when we need a little bit of self-comforting. This explains why so many passengers on a plane will cross their arms while standing in line to use the restroom. We cross our arms for many reasons. Here are some of the reasons reported to me: ?It?s comfortable?; ?It?s useful when my arms are tired?; ?It hides my boobs?; ?I do it when I am inquisitive?; ?It hides by belly.? Everyone has a good reason and most of the time, it gives them comfort. There are a lot of people that mis takenly equate crossing the arms with keeping people further away?that is usually not the case. ARM CROSSING/PROTECTION ?In some instances the arm cross is a means of protection, rather than a comforting gesture. We might subconsciously seek to shield our vulnerable ventral (belly) side when we feel insecure or threatened. In those cases, we will see more tension in the arms and psychological discomfort in the face. ARM CROSSING/SELF-RESTRAINT ?People might cross their arms to restrain themselves when they?re upset. Picture a customer at an airport counter who has been bumped from a flight. Whereas the self-hug ( see #240) is done with very little pressure, this behavior helps to literally restrain the arms as emotions get out of control. Note that this self-restraining behavior is usually accompanied by facial displays of animosity. ARM CROSSING/DISLIKE ?In the presence of someone we don?t like, we might draw our arms across our belly, attempting to distance or insulate ourselves from that person. Usually this occurs as soon as we see someone objectionable, and that is what distinguishes this behavior and communicates our dislike very accurately. This should be differentiated from self-hugging behaviors by other cues that accompany it, such as a tense face and feet that also turn away. ARM CROSSING/MASSAGING ?Crossing the arms at the chest can be comfortable for many people. However, massaging the opposite shoulder or arm suggests that a person is stressed or concerned. This is most likely to occur when the person is seated at a table with her elbows on the surface, but I have also seen it in people sitting in a chair, a form of self-hugging while they massage the opposite arm to relieve stress or worry. ARM CROSSING, HOLDING WRIST ?When confronted with damaging information in a forensic setting, interviewees will suddenly reach across their belly and hold the wrist of the opposite hand while sitting. Look for it immediately after a person has been asked a difficult question or is accused of something. Poker players have been observed displaying this behavior when their hand is weak or marginal. ARM SPREADING ?People who spread out their arms over several chairs or a couch are demonstrating confidence through a territorial display. Senior executives will do this more often than junior staffers. Observe when someone of higher rank or status walks in whether the person withdraws his arms to his sides. ELBOWS SPREADING OUT ?When people are strong and confident, they will gradually take up more space, spreading their elbows across a table or desk. This tends to be subconscious, and they are generally not aware that they are publicizing their self-assuredness. ELBOWS NARROWING ?When we?re sitting with our arms on a table, the moment we feel insecure or threatened, we will narrow our elbows on the table. We can use this metric to help us assess how committed or confident others are as different topics are discussed. ELBOW FLEXING ?The elbow flex is performed by placing hands on the hips, arms akimbo, and flexing the elbows forward (like a butterfly flapping its wings) each time we want to emphasize what we?re saying. This is a territorial display that also projects confidence. I have seen senior managers, coaches, and military officers do the elbow flex as they emphasize a particular point. ELBOWS INTERLOCKING ?In many parts of the world the interlocking of arms at the elbows with another person as you walk or sit is a sign that you are close to the person or that you are having a very private conversation. This behavior draws the hips close together, which suggests that things are going well. It is not unusual in Mediterranean countries or in South America to see both men and women walking arm in arm. WRIST BEHAVIORS ?We might not think of the wrists as a window into the mind, but they can be. We expose the underside of our wrists to others when we like them or feel comfortable around them. Holding a drink or a cigarette, a woman will expose the inner wrist to a nearby person if she is interested in them or comfortable. The minute she is not, she will rotate the wrist and only expose the outside of the wrist. Our limbic system protects us by orienting our most sensitive areas?the underside of our arms, our neck, our bellies?away from those we dislike or find threatening. GOOSE BUMPS ?Also called ?goose pimples? or ?gooseflesh,? this is an involuntary reaction to cold or perhaps even fear?usually visible on the arms and legs. The formation of goose bumps causes hair to stand up on the surface of the skin, which is why the medical term for it is horripilation or piloerection ( see #253). In primates, this display is even more noticeable when they are scared, as their hair stands up to make them automatically look larger. Because we as a species have lost most of our hair, we only see the remnants of piloerection through goose bumps. HAIR ERECTION (PILOERECTION) ?Sometimes the hair on the arms, torso, or back of the neck will stand up visibly. From an evolutionary perspective, this is believed to be a vestigial response we share with primates to make us look bigger when we are scared, frightened, or fearful. When we subconsciously assess a person, a place, or a situation as potentially dangerous, the hair on the back of our neck will stand up?when you feel this, take note. These subconscious sentiments of ill feeling or danger, according to Gavin de Becker in his book The

- Page 69 (location ~ 1056-1106)

ARM CROSSING/SELF-HUGGING ?Self-hugging is an effective way to comfort ourselves while waiting for someone to arrive, while watching a movie in public, or when we need a little bit of self-comforting. This explains why so many passengers on a plane will cross their arms while standing in line to use the restroom. We cross our arms for many reasons. Here are some of the reasons reported to me: ?It?s comfortable?; ?It?s useful when my arms are tired?; ?It hides my boobs?; ?I do it when I am inquisitive?; ?It hides by belly.? Everyone has a good reason and most of the time, it gives them comfort. There are a lot of people that mis takenly equate crossing the arms with keeping people further away?that is usually not the case. ARM CROSSING/PROTECTION ?In some instances the arm cross is a means of protection, rather than a comforting gesture. We might subconsciously seek to shield our vulnerable ventral (belly) side when we feel insecure or threatened. In those cases, we will see more tension in the arms and psychological discomfort in the face. ARM CROSSING/SELF-RESTRAINT ?People might cross their arms to restrain themselves when they?re upset. Picture a customer at an airport counter who has been bumped from a flight. Whereas the self-hug ( see #240) is done with very little pressure, this behavior helps to literally restrain the arms as emotions get out of control. Note that this self-restraining behavior is usually accompanied by facial displays of animosity. ARM CROSSING/DISLIKE ?In the presence of someone we don?t like, we might draw our arms across our belly, attempting to distance or insulate ourselves from that person. Usually this occurs as soon as we see someone objectionable, and that is what distinguishes this behavior and communicates our dislike very accurately. This should be differentiated from self-hugging behaviors by other cues that accompany it, such as a tense face and feet that also turn away. ARM CROSSING/MASSAGING ?Crossing the arms at the chest can be comfortable for many people. However, massaging the opposite shoulder or arm suggests that a person is stressed or concerned. This is most likely to occur when the person is seated at a table with her elbows on the surface, but I have also seen it in people sitting in a chair, a form of self-hugging while they massage the opposite arm to relieve stress or worry. ARM CROSSING, HOLDING WRIST ?When confronted with damaging information in a forensic setting, interviewees will suddenly reach across their belly and hold the wrist of the opposite hand while sitting. Look for it immediately after a person has been asked a difficult question or is accused of something. Poker players have been observed displaying this behavior when their hand is weak or marginal.

- Page 69 (location ~ 1056-1078)

ELBOWS SPREADING OUT ?When people are strong and confident, they will gradually take up more space, spreading their elbows across a table or desk. This tends to be subconscious, and they are generally not aware that they are publicizing their self-assuredness. ELBOWS NARROWING ?When we?re sitting with our arms on a table, the moment we feel insecure or threatened, we will narrow our elbows on the table. We can use this metric to help us assess how committed or confident others are as different topics are discussed. ELBOW FLEXING ?The elbow flex is performed by placing hands on the hips, arms akimbo, and flexing the elbows forward (like a butterfly flapping its wings) each time we want to emphasize what we?re saying. This is a territorial display that also projects confidence. I have seen senior managers, coaches, and military officers do the elbow flex as they emphasize a particular point. ELBOWS INTERLOCKING ?In many parts of the world the interlocking of arms at the elbows with another person as you walk or sit is a sign that you are close to the person or that you are having a very private conversation. This behavior draws the hips close together, which suggests that things are going well. It is not unusual in Mediterranean countries or in South America to see both men and women walking arm in arm.

- Page 71 (location ~ 1081-1092)

GOOSE BUMPS ?Also called ?goose pimples? or ?gooseflesh,? this is an involuntary reaction to cold or perhaps even fear?usually visible on the arms and legs. The formation of goose bumps causes hair to stand up on the surface of the skin, which is why the medical term for it is horripilation or piloerection ( see #253). In primates, this display is even more noticeable when they are scared, as their hair stands up to make them automatically look larger. Because we as a species have lost most of our hair, we only see the remnants of piloerection through goose bumps. HAIR ERECTION (PILOERECTION) ?Sometimes the hair on the arms, torso, or back of the neck will stand up visibly. From an evolutionary perspective, this is believed to be a vestigial response we share with primates to make us look bigger when we are scared, frightened, or fearful. When we subconsciously assess a person, a place, or a situation as potentially dangerous, the hair on the back of our neck will stand up?when you feel this, take note. These subconscious sentiments of ill feeling or danger, according to Gavin de Becker in his book The Gift of Fear, should not be ignored. EXCESSIVE SWEATING ?People under stress may suddenly sweat profusely as their body attempts to ventilate itself through evaporation. Many a drug trafficker has been stopped at the border because he is the only one with sweat rings around his armpits and his neck glistens with moisture when he pulls up to the customs officer. Excessive perspiration may signal that a person is hiding something or is about to commit a crime. That doesn?t mean every sweaty person is guilty of something?just that it behooves us to pay closer attention.

- Page 72 (location ~ 1097-1111)

HAND GROOMING ?Well-groomed hands are a sign of a healthy individual. Clean fingers, with nails of proper length, indicate that people care about themselves. This contrasts with people who have dirty or long nails, unkempt cuticles, or flesh that has been chewed off the fingers. In dating and even in the workplace, we often draw conclusions from how well-groomed or healthy-looking a person?s hands appear. FREQUENCY OF TOUCH ?How frequently we touch others is a good way of communicating how we feel about them. While on some level the degree of touch is culturally determined, for the most part when we care about others we tend to touch them more often. HOW WE TOUCH ?A touch can be respectful, loving, playful, sensuous, reserved, tender, caring, or palliative. A light touch of the skin can send shivers down our spine, stimulating sexual desire. In fact, a light touch stimulates the brain differently than a heavier touch. The loving touch of a caring person with a full palm, warm from the presence of blood near the surface of the skin, can communicate so much to a newborn as well as a lover. And yet when our boss pats us on the shoulder with just the fingertips and says ?Good job,? our skin crawls because the gesture doesn?t feel right; we know it is contrived and empty. TOUCH AND SOCIAL STATUS ?In most cultures, whom we can touch, and how, is dictated by social convention. In almost all societies, higher-status individuals will more often touch lower-status individuals than the other way around. In a work environment, you are more apt to see the boss giving a pat on the shoulder than to see an employee pat the boss. We must also be aware of when it is proper to touch,

- Page 74 (location ~ 1127-1140)

HAND GROOMING ?Well-groomed hands are a sign of a healthy individual. Clean fingers, with nails of proper length, indicate that people care about themselves. This contrasts with people who have dirty or long nails, unkempt cuticles, or flesh that has been chewed off the fingers. In dating and even in the workplace, we often draw conclusions from how well-groomed or healthy-looking a person?s hands appear. FREQUENCY OF TOUCH ?How frequently we touch others is a good way of communicating how we feel about them. While on some level the degree of touch is culturally determined, for the most part when we care about others we tend to touch them more often. HOW WE TOUCH ?A touch can be respectful, loving, playful, sensuous, reserved, tender, caring, or palliative. A light touch of the skin can send shivers down our spine, stimulating sexual desire. In fact, a light touch stimulates the brain differently than a heavier touch. The loving touch of a caring person with a full palm, warm from the presence of blood near the surface of the skin, can communicate so much to a newborn as well as a lover. And yet when our boss pats us on the shoulder with just the fingertips and says ?Good job,? our skin crawls because the gesture doesn?t feel right; we know it is contrived and empty. TOUCH AND SOCIAL STATUS ?In most cultures, whom we can touch, and how, is dictated by social convention. In almost all societies, higher-status individuals will more often touch lower-status individuals than the other way around. In a work environment, you are more apt to see the boss giving a pat on the shoulder than to see an employee pat the boss. We must also be aware of when it is proper to touch, where it is proper to touch (arm or elbow, for instance), and when or if it will be appreciated.

- Page 74 (location ~ 1127-1141)

OBJECT PLACEMENT ?We might surround ourselves with objects?whether a pencil and paper on a work desk or a jacket on a theater chair?to establish our territory. Object placement can also signal that we are not fully interested in someone or that a relationship is in trouble. At a restaurant for instance, when things are good, we tend to move objects out of the way to get a clearer view of our companion; when they?re not, we?ll place flowers or a drink bottle in our line of sight to serve as a barrier across the table. It is especially telling when someone moves objects while speaking. HAND STEEPLING ?The hand steeple is performed by placing the fingertips of both hands together, spreading them, and then arching the hands so that the tips of the fingers look like a church steeple. This is a universal display of confidence and is often used by those in a leadership position. Chancellor Angela Merkel of Germany is famous for steepling often. Note, however, that confidence doesn?t always guarantee accuracy. A person may be wrong in their facts but confident as they speak. Nevertheless, steepling is a useful gesture to convince others of your commitment to what you are thinking or saying.

- Page 76 (location ~ 1160-1169)

OBJECT PLACEMENT ?We might surround ourselves with objects?whether a pencil and paper on a work desk or a jacket on a theater chair?to establish our territory. Object placement can also signal that we are not fully interested in someone or that a relationship is in trouble. At a restaurant for instance, when things are good, we tend to move objects out of the way to get a clearer view of our companion; when they?re not, we?ll place flowers or a drink bottle in our line of sight to serve as a barrier across the table. It is especially telling when someone moves objects while speaking. HAND STEEPLING ?The hand steeple is performed by placing the fingertips of both hands together, spreading them, and then arching the hands so that the tips of the fingers look like a church steeple. This is a universal display of confidence and is often used by those in a leadership position. Chancellor Angela Merkel of Germany is famous for steepling often. Note, however, that confidence doesn?t always guarantee accuracy. A person may be wrong in their facts but confident as they speak. Nevertheless, steepling is a useful gesture to convince others of your commitment to what you are thinking or saying. MODIFIED STEEPLING ?The modified steeple is performed by interlacing all of the fingers, with the exception of the index fingers, which are erect and touching at the fingertips. It looks more contrite than a regular hand steeple; nonetheless, it still signifies assurance and confidence.

- Page 76 (location ~ 1160-1171)

PALMS-UP DISPLAY ?Also known as the rogatory hand position, this is a universal behavior of humility, compliance, or cooperation, used by people who want to be accepted or believed. The presentation of the palms of the hands facing up is a universal way of saying ?My hands are clean,? ?There is nothing hidden here,? ?I implore you,? or ?I am at your command.? It is also used in religious ceremonies to demonstrate humility and piety. PALMS-DOWN DISPLAY ?Palms-down displays are more affirmative than palms-up displays. These might be made on a table or symbolically in the air. The farther apart the arms are (in a two-handed gesture), or the harder the hand slaps down, the more committed the person. Affirmative declarations such as ?I didn?t do it,? when spoken as the palms push strongly downward on a table, tend to have greater validity. Liars struggle to do this properly, generally performing the gesture too passively. PALM DOWN, FINGERS SPREAD ?When a person makes a formal declarative statement, such as ?I didn?t do it,? with palms firmly placed down and fingers spread wide, it is more likely to be an authentic answer. I have never seen a liar successfully pull off this gesture, probably because the thinking part of the brain is out of sync with the emotional part of the brain. In other words, they know what to say??I didn?t do it??they just don?t know how to dramatize it because the emotional side of the brain is not fully committed.

- Page 77 (location ~ 1176-1188)

HANDS AS ANCHORS ?This is where we take possession of an object to let others know it is ours. It might also happen with other people, as when we?re talking to someone we like and use our hand as an anchor near this person so others will stay away. You see this most often at bars or parties?men will pivot around the anchor point as if permanently attached in order to make sure others don?t intrude. It is a territorial display. HAND THRUST TO FACE ?This might come as the final affront in an argument. A raised palm thrust at the other person?s face says to stop, go no further, or, in the common parlance, ?talk to the hand.? This can be a very insulting gesture and certainly has no place in amiable interpersonal communication and certainly not in business.

- Page 79 (location ~ 1201-1207)

THUMB TWIRLING ?Twiddling our thumbs is a way to pass the time or deal with small amounts of stress. The repetitive nature of it is soothing to the brain. FINGERS CLOSE TOGETHER ?When we feel concerned, bewildered, humbled, scared, or cornered, we subconsciously make the space between our fingers smaller. In the extreme, when we are very concerned, we curl up our fingers so they are not sticking out. Here, our limbic brain ensures that our fingers are not loose when there is a threat. THUMB OUT ?When we feel confident, the thumb will move away from the index finger. This is easily observed when hands are on a table. In fact, distance of the thumb from the index finger can serve as a gauge to a person?s confidence level. It might also show a person?s level of commitment to what she is saying: the greater the distance, the stronger the commitment. THUMB WITHDRAWING ?When we feel insecure or threatened, we will withdraw our thumbs subconsciously and tuck them next to or underneath the fingers. Doing this suddenly means the person is concerned, worried, or threatened. This is a survival tactic, similar to dogs tucking their ears down to streamline themselves in case of the need to escape or fight. THUMB DISPLAYS IN GENERAL ?Watch for individuals who display their thumbs as they hold on to a jacket lapel or pant suspenders. I see this often in court performed by attorneys. As with other thumbs up displays it typically means the person is confident in what they are doing, thinking, or saying. THUMB UP OK SIGN ?This, of course, is a very positive sign in the United States, signaling that all is fine. At one time it was used routinely to hitch a car ride. Note that in some cultures, such as the Middle East, a raised thumb is a phallic symbol and should be avoided.

- Page 80 (location ~ 1219-1235)

HOLDING ON TO FURNITURE ?If people hold on to their chair, or the edge of a desk or podium, as they make a declarative statement, they are communicating doubt and insecurity. I have sometimes seen this when people sign a contract they are reluctant to endorse but must. As an observer, you should always question what insecurity is driving this behavior. CLINGING BEHAVIORS ?When children are under stress, they will grab the clothing of the nearest relative for comfort. In the absence of a parent or an object, they will also grab their own clothing as if it were a security blanket?which in essence it is. This tactile experience can be very psychologically soothing. Adults sometimes do this, too, perhaps as they get ready for a job interview or a speech. The great tenor Luciano Pavarotti held a handkerchief in his hand while performing, which, he said in interviews, gave him ?security? and ?comfort.? EMPHASIZING WITH HANDS ?When we are comfortable, our hands naturally gesture and emphasize. In some cultures, especially around the Mediterranean, people tend to gesture more emphatically, and these gestures are highly significant in context. Great speakers also gesture frequently. Researchers tell us that when people suddenly begin to lie, they engage in fewer hand gestures?and with less emphasis. If the hands suddenly become passive or restrained, it is likely that the person is losing confidence in what he is saying, for whatever reason.

- Page 82 (location ~ 1243-1254)

HOLDING ON TO FURNITURE ?If people hold on to their chair, or the edge of a desk or podium, as they make a declarative statement, they are communicating doubt and insecurity. I have sometimes seen this when people sign a contract they are reluctant to endorse but must. As an observer, you should always question what insecurity is driving this behavior. CLINGING BEHAVIORS ?When children are under stress, they will grab the clothing of the nearest relative for comfort. In the absence of a parent or an object, they will also grab their own clothing as if it were a security blanket?which in essence it is. This tactile experience can be very psychologically soothing. Adults sometimes do this, too, perhaps as they get ready for a job interview or a speech. The great tenor Luciano Pavarotti held a handkerchief in his hand while performing, which, he said in interviews, gave him ?security? and ?comfort.? EMPHASIZING WITH HANDS ?When we are comfortable, our hands naturally gesture and emphasize. In some cultures, especially around the Mediterranean, people tend to gesture more emphatically, and these gestures are highly significant in context. Great speakers also gesture frequently. Researchers tell us that when people suddenly begin to lie, they engage in fewer hand gestures?and with less emphasis. If the hands suddenly become passive or restrained, it is likely that the person is losing confidence in what he is saying, for whatever reason. GIVING THE FINGER ?Pioneering psychologist Paul Ekman first noted how individuals who harbor animosity toward others will subconsciously give ?the finger? (the indecent finger is usually the middle or longest finger as in ?F?? you!?) by scratching their face or body with it, or even just pushing their eyeglasses back into place. It is a subconscious sign of disrespect.

- Page 82 (location ~ 1243-1257)

MASSAGING CLOSED FIST ?Massaging the closed fist with the other hand is a self-restraining and pacifying behavior. It usually means the person is struggling or worried and experiencing a lot of underlying tension. You often see this with poker players and stock traders, or wherever fortunes might be quickly won or lost. SPEAKER?S FIST ?Sometimes we will see a speaker make a fist while ?hammering home a point.? This is not unusual, especially from very dramatic or enthusiastic speakers. What is unusual is watching as someone waiting his turn to speak turns his hand into a fist. This usually indicates pent-up issues, constrained en ergy, or anticipation of some sort of physical response. It is said that Theodore Roosevelt, a dynamo of action and adventure, always sat with his hands balled into fists, as if holding back coiled energy. RUBBING HANDS ON PALMS ?Rubbing our fingers across the palm of the hand is a pacifier. When it is done repetitively, or with increased pressure, there is high anxiety and concern. We can rub the palm either with the fingertips of the same hand or against the opposite hand.

- Page 84 (location ~ 1278-1287)

INTERLACED FINGERS, PALMS UP OR PALMS DOWN ?This is an extreme variant on interlacing the fingers to displace stress. Here the person holds the hands palms up and interlaces the fingers, pulling the hands upward toward the face and making an awkward-looking triangle, with the elbows down and the palms of the hand arching upward. Or, in the palm-down variant, the palms remain face down and the fingers are interlaced in front of the crotch as if to crack the knuckles. This contortion of the arms and the fingers, by stressing muscles, joints, and tendons of the hand, relieves stress. I have seen this after a teenager crashed his parents? car as he waited for his mother to come pick him up. KNUCKLE CRACKING ?Knuckle cracking, in all its varieties, is a pacifying behavior. The act of knuckle cracking for some people seems to soothe tension and so we see it when they are tense or nervous or even bored. People might crack each knuckle individually or all the fingers of one hand at once. This behavior increases in frequency with stress. KNUCKLE CRACKING WITH INTERLACED FINGERS ?This behavior is performed by intertwining the fingers, with the thumbs down, and then stretching the arms forward until the knuckles crack. As with similar contorted displays, it signifies a high degree of psychological discomfort, stress, or anxiety. It also serves as a double pacifier: both interlacing the fingers and cracking the knuckles. This behavior is generally exhibited more often by men.

- Page 85 (location ~ 1293-1305)

PREENING ?It is not only birds that preen. Preening can take many forms: adjusting a tie, repositioning a bracelet, smoothing out a wrinkle on a shirt, fixing one?s hair, reapplying lipstick, plucking an eyebrow. We preen when we care enough to want to look our best. Hair preening when we are interested in someone romantically is especially common. The repeated stroking of the hair also gets us noticed. Interestingly, when attorneys do something so simple as pulling at their jacket (a preening behavior) as the jury enters the room, they are subconsciously perceived by jurors as more likable. PREENING (DISMISSIVE) ?There is another kind of preening, intended to be dismissive or disrespectful?almost the opposite of what I just described. The act of picking lint or hair from clothes or cleaning one?s nails when being addressed by another person is inconsiderate at best, disrespectful, even contemptuous, at worst. HAND ON LEG, ELBOW OUT ?Sitting with a hand on the leg, elbow out, usually indicates high confidence. As this behavior comes and goes as people converse, we can observe a person?s self-assurance waxing and waning. The elbow-out posturing is a territorial display. FINGERS CURLING, NAILS FLICKING ?Often when people are nervous, agitated, or stressed, they will curl up their fingers (usually on one hand) and flick their nails against the thumb. They might flick one finger or use a variety of them. It is a way to pacify oneself and can be both distracting and noisy for others.

- Page 86 (location ~ 1308-1320)

HAND SHAKING ?The handshake is the favored greeting behavior in the West, appropriate in both professional and personal settings. A handshake is often the first physical contact and impression you will make and take away from another person, and so it is important to get it right. Think of how many times you have received a ?bad? handshake (too strong, too wet, too soft, too long). A bad handshake leaves a negative impression that can last in our minds for a long time and make us reluctant to shake hands with that person again. We should remember that the custom of shaking hands is not universal; in some cultures a bow or a kiss on the cheek might be more appropriate. Nevertheless, a good handshake begins with good eye contact, a smile if appropriate, and the arm extended with a slight bend at the elbow. The fingers approach the other person?s hand pointing downward, the hands clasp with equal pressure (no one is impressed that you can crush walnuts bare-handed), engulfing each other?this allows for the release of the hormone oxytocin (furthers social bonding)?and after a second or so the hands are released. Older people will require less pressure, and higher-status individuals will set the tone for how long you will shake hands and how much pressure to apply.

- Page 87 (location ~ 1321-1330)

PREENING ?It is not only birds that preen. Preening can take many forms: adjusting a tie, repositioning a bracelet, smoothing out a wrinkle on a shirt, fixing one?s hair, reapplying lipstick, plucking an eyebrow. We preen when we care enough to want to look our best. Hair preening when we are interested in someone romantically is especially common. The repeated stroking of the hair also gets us noticed. Interestingly, when attorneys do something so simple as pulling at their jacket (a preening behavior) as the jury enters the room, they are subconsciously perceived by jurors as more likable. PREENING (DISMISSIVE) ?There is another kind of preening, intended to be dismissive or disrespectful?almost the opposite of what I just described. The act of picking lint or hair from clothes or cleaning one?s nails when being addressed by another person is inconsiderate at best, disrespectful, even contemptuous, at worst. HAND ON LEG, ELBOW OUT ?Sitting with a hand on the leg, elbow out, usually indicates high confidence. As this behavior comes and goes as people converse, we can observe a person?s self-assurance waxing and waning. The elbow-out posturing is a territorial display. FINGERS CURLING, NAILS FLICKING ?Often when people are nervous, agitated, or stressed, they will curl up their fingers (usually on one hand) and flick their nails against the thumb. They might flick one finger or use a variety of them. It is a way to pacify oneself and can be both distracting and noisy for others. HAND SHAKING ?The handshake is the favored greeting behavior in the West, appropriate in both professional and personal settings. A handshake is often the first physical contact and impression you will make and take away from another person, and so it is important to get it right. Think of how many times you have received a ?bad? handshake (too strong, too wet, too soft, too long). A bad handshake leaves a negative impression that can last in our minds for a long time and make us reluctant to shake hands with that person again. We should remember that the custom of shaking hands is not universal; in some cultures a bow or a kiss on the cheek might be more appropriate. Nevertheless, a good handshake begins with good eye contact, a smile if appropriate, and the arm extended with a slight bend at the elbow. The fingers approach the other person?s hand pointing downward, the hands clasp with equal pressure (no one is impressed that you can crush walnuts bare-handed), engulfing each other?this allows for the release of the hormone oxytocin (furthers social bonding)?and after a second or so the hands are released. Older people will require less pressure, and higher-status individuals will set the tone for how long you will shake hands and how much pressure to apply.

- Page 86 (location ~ 1308-1330)

CHEST HEAVING, RAPID BREATHING ?A heaving chest and rapid breathing usually indicate stress, concern, fear, worry, or anger. Context of course is important as there are many reasons for this behavior, including age, recent physical exertion, anxiety, or even a heart attack. What is important is to observe and be ready to take action if necessary. SHALLOW, FAST BREATHING ?Breathing that is shallow and fast usually indicates fear or anxiety, perhaps even a panic attack. Watch for the shallowness of a person?s breath to gauge their anxiety level. The shallower and more rapid the breathing, the greater the distress. Useful is to get them to take one long inhale then exhale for as long as possible (3 to 5 seconds) then repeat. This helps to lower the breathing rate. PRESSING ON CHEST ?In tense situations, a person will press on their own chest/diaphragm area with the thumb and middle finger (sometimes all of the fingers) in order to relieve sudden pent-up stress. The self-administered pressure on the solar or celiac plexus, near the center of the chest, which is rich in nerves, seems to have a pacifying effect when pressed upon. The pressure can be very light or extremely forceful depending on the needs of the individual. It is not unusual for someone receiving horrible news to press on their own chest. CLAVICLE MASSAGING ?Under stress, individuals will massage the clavicle (collarbone) on the opposite side (e.g., placing their right hand upon their left clavicle). The arm drawn across the center of the body provides a feeling of protection, while the repetitive touching of the clavicle acts to soothe the person. This area of the body is very sensitive to touch?one reason it is considered an erogenous zone.

- Page 90 (location ~ 1372-1385)

SITTING FORWARD ?When we are ready to negotiate in good faith, or compromise, we tend to move from a leaning-back position to a sitting-forward position. This often telegraphs that we have made up our minds to move forward. One has to be careful, if sitting at a table or desk that is narrow, not to intimidate the negotiating partner by leaning too far forward. If negotiating with a team, make sure everyone is sitting in the same way, and that eagerness to concede is not betrayed by someone on the team sitting forward before it is time to make it generally known. TURNING AWAY/VENTRAL DENIAL ?Our ventral or belly side is one of the most vulnerable places on the body. We will turn it away from others when we don?t like them, they make us uneasy, or we don?t like what they say. Upon meeting someone you don?t care for, your facial greeting might be friendly but your belly will subconsciously shift away?what is called ventral denial?in essence denying that person your most vulnerable side. This can even take place among friends if something disagreeable is said. A good way to remember this: ?Belly away don?t want you to stay; belly away don?t like what you say.?

- Page 93 (location ~ 1415-1424)

MOVING CHAIR AWAY ?This is a form of distancing when leaning away from others is just not enough. Literally, the person just moves the chair further and further back or away as if no one would notice. I have seen acrimonious discussions in academia where one professor moved completely away from the table to the corner of the room near the window?as if this were somehow normal. This behavior is motivated on a subconscious level to protect one?s ventral side through distancing from a perceived threat, even if the threat is mere words or ideas. BODY SLOUCHING ?Slouching projects relaxation or indifference, depending on context. It is a perception-management technique often used by teenagers in dealing with their parents to demonstrate they don?t care. In any formal professional setting, slouching should be avoided.

- Page 94 (location ~ 1441-1448)

the Venus of Hohle Fels, upward of 35,000 years old, is a masterpiece of the female form, emphasizing the hips, genitals,

- Page 97 (location ~ 1473-1474)

the Venus of Hohle Fels,

- Page 97 (location ~ 1473-1473)

CROTCH GRABBING ?This behavior, made famous by Michael Jackson while dancing, shocked many when first performed, yet today it is quite common in entertainers. There are many theories as to why some men do this: to garner attention, as a manhood display, or merely to adjust for comfort. On adult males, it can be quite disturbing if done repetitively and at a close distance such as an office, as women have reported to me. It certainly should be avoided in public. GENITAL FRAMING ?Often done by cowboys in movies or in photographs, this is where the man places the thumbs inside the pants or hooks them on his belt and the fingers straddle the crotch area. Genital framing is used to garner attention and serves as a masculine display. Usually the elbows are thrust outward, making the man look bigger and appear tougher. GENITAL COVERING ?We might place our hands together over our genitals or crotch in certain situations?in elevators, for example, where men will look at the numbers or the door while doing so. This behavior can be effective in dealing with social anxiety or if someone is standing too close. SITTING KNEES FAR APART ?Often referred to as ?manspreading,? this is where a man sits, often on public transportation, with the knees far apart. This is considered rude due to how much space a person takes up in this position, and the less-than-diplomatic display of the inner legs and the crotch, and it is inconsiderate.

- Page 98 (location ~ 1496-1508)

SPATIAL DISTANCING ?The anthropologist Edward T. Hall coined the term proxemics to describe the need all animals have for personal space. If someone stands too close to us, we are uncomfortable. Our spatial needs are based on both culture and personal preference. Most Americans feel comfortable in public spaces at a distance of 12 to 25 feet from others; in social spaces 4 to 12 feet is preferred; while our personal space is comfortable at about 1.5 to 4 feet. When it comes to our intimate space, anything less than a foot, we are very sensitive to who gets that close. These are of course approximations, as it is different for everyone and varies with culture, nationality, location, and even time of day. At night we might not feel comfortable walking near a stranger who is closer than ten feet. TERRITORIAL STANCE ?We use our legs as a form of territorial display by how we stand. The further apart our feet, the greater the territorial display. The breadth of a person?s stance is telling: military men and police officers tend to stand with their feet farther apart than, say, accountants and engineers. The spread of the legs transmits clearly a sense of confidence and

- Page 99 (location ~ 1515-1523)

SPATIAL DISTANCING ?The anthropologist Edward T. Hall coined the term proxemics to describe the need all animals have for personal space. If someone stands too close to us, we are uncomfortable. Our spatial needs are based on both culture and personal preference. Most Americans feel comfortable in public spaces at a distance of 12 to 25 feet from others; in social spaces 4 to 12 feet is preferred; while our personal space is comfortable at about 1.5 to 4 feet. When it comes to our intimate space, anything less than a foot, we are very sensitive to who gets that close. These are of course approximations, as it is different for everyone and varies with culture, nationality, location, and even time of day. At night we might not feel comfortable walking near a stranger who is closer than ten feet. TERRITORIAL STANCE ?We use our legs as a form of territorial display by how we stand. The further apart our feet, the greater the territorial display. The breadth of a person?s stance is telling: military men and police officers tend to stand with their feet farther apart than, say, accountants and engineers. The spread of the legs transmits clearly a sense of confidence and a subconscious claiming of territory. TERRITORIAL CHALLENGE ?During a heated argument a person might intentionally invade your personal space, getting just inches away from your face (figuratively ?in your face?), puffing out the chest, and glaring. This violation of space serves to intimidate, and might be a prelude to a physical assault.

- Page 99 (location ~ 1515-1526)

SETTING PACE DURING WALK ?Whoever sets the walking pace in a group is usually the person in charge. We will speed up or slow down for the most senior person or group leader. Even teenagers will do this, deferring to the most socially prominent one among them by walking at that person?s pace. This might mean the last person in a group is the leader and is setting the pace to walk no faster. In analyzing groups remember that it is not who is in front but rather who sets the pace that is in charge. SITTING BEHAVIORS ?Each culture sits differently. In some parts of Asia, people squat, buttocks low and knees high, while waiting for a bus. In other cultures, the legs are intertwined as you sit, as Gandhi did while working a loom. In Europe and elsewhere, people often sit with one leg draped over the opposite knee so that the sole points downward. In America, you will see a combination of sitting styles, including the figure 4, where the ankle is placed on top of the opposite knee, with the foot noticeably high. When it comes to sitting behaviors, it is important to follow both local customs as well as those of your host. HOLDING LEGS TOGETHER, SITTING ?Our level of confidence is often revealed by how we sit. Legs that suddenly come together suggest insecurity. In part, of course, the way we sit is cultural, but some people will move their legs with great reliability depending on how they feel emotionally, revealing their degree of self-assurance. Keep in mind that in many places, women will sit with their knees together as a matter of social convention. LEGS SPREADING APART, SITTING ?Legs that are suddenly set wider apart while sitting during an interview or a conversation suggest greater comfort or confidence. This is a universal territorial display; the farther apart they are, the more territory is being claimed. This behavior is more pronounced in men.

- Page 101 (location ~ 1536-1550)

LEG DRAPING ?Subconsciously, individuals who feel confident or superior will drape their leg over a desk, chair, or object?even other people?as a way of establishing a territorial claim. Some bosses do this regularly, sitting in one chair and draping their leg over another. LEG RUBBING ?Rubbing the tops of our quadriceps?a gesture known as a leg cleanser?works to pacify us when we are under high stress. It can be easy to miss, since it usually occurs under a table or desk. KNEE RUBBING ?We see repeated scratching or rubbing of the area just above the knee in people who are feeling stress or anticipating something exciting. Like most repetitive behaviors, it serves to pacify, assuaging the excitement or tension. ANKLE SCRATCHING ?In tense situations it is not unusual for a person to scratch at the ankles. It serves both to relieve stress and to ventilate the skin. We often see this in high-stakes situations such

- Page 103 (location ~ 1566-1575)

LEG DRAPING ?Subconsciously, individuals who feel confident or superior will drape their leg over a desk, chair, or object?even other people?as a way of establishing a territorial claim. Some bosses do this regularly, sitting in one chair and draping their leg over another. LEG RUBBING ?Rubbing the tops of our quadriceps?a gesture known as a leg cleanser?works to pacify us when we are under high stress. It can be easy to miss, since it usually occurs under a table or desk. KNEE RUBBING ?We see repeated scratching or rubbing of the area just above the knee in people who are feeling stress or anticipating something exciting. Like most repetitive behaviors, it serves to pacify, assuaging the excitement or tension. ANKLE SCRATCHING ?In tense situations it is not unusual for a person to scratch at the ankles. It serves both to relieve stress and to ventilate the skin. We often see this in high-stakes situations such as a large pot in a poker game or in a forensic interview when a difficult question is asked.

- Page 103 (location ~ 1566-1575)

ANKLE QUIVERING ?Some people while standing will repetitively twist or quiver their foot to the side at the ankle, in a show of restlessness, agitation, animosity, or irritation. This is very perceptible because the shaking causes the whole body to move. KNEE-HIGH SELF-HUGGING ?We often see teenagers hug their own legs by bringing the knees up to chest level. This can be very comforting and helps them enjoy a moment as they listen to music or to help them deal with emotions. I have also seen some criminals do this while being interviewed to help deal with stress. STANDING LEG CROSSING (COMFORT) ?We cross our legs while standing when we are alone or if we feel comfortable with the people around us. The minute someone causes us the slightest psychological discomfort, we will uncross the legs in case we need to quickly distance or defend ourselves from the offending person. You may notice this in elevators, where a lone rider will uncross the legs the minute a stranger enters. LEG KICKING, SITTING ?A leg crossed over the knee that goes from shaking or twitching (repetitive movement) to sudden kicking up and down after a question is asked indicates high discomfort with the question. This is not a pacifier, unless the person does it all the time. It is a subconscious act of kicking away something objectionable. Sudden leg kicks, in response to a question or a statement, are usually associated with strong negative feelings.

- Page 104 (location ~ 1582-1594)

PLAYING FOOTSIES?When we like another person, our feet will be drawn to them. When we like them romantically, our feet might move almost subconsciously toward theirs so that they come into contact. This is why you see people playing footsie under the table in the early stages of a relationship. The playful touching has an important role in connecting us to others. Neurologically, when our feet are touched, it registers on a sensory strip along the parietal lobe of the brain, very close to where our genitals also register. FOOT ROCKING ?This is another repetitive behavior that serves to pacify us. We might do this when we?re waiting for someone to hurry up?the rocking shifts from the heels to the toes, back and forth. Since this elevates us as we rock forward, it is also somewhat of a gravity-defying behavior. Foot rocking can both alleviate boredom and demonstrate that a person is in charge. FOOT TURNING AWAY ?When we?re talking to someone, we might signal that we need to leave by gradually or suddenly pointing one foot toward the door. This is our nonverbal way of communicating ?I have to go.? It is an intention cue, and if the person we?re talking to ignores it, we can become very irritated. Be mindful of others, and recognize that when their foot turns away, chances are they have to go. FEET TURNING AWAY ?When we are in the presence of someone we dislike, it is not unusual for our feet to turn together toward the door or away from that person. In watching juries over the years, I have noted that jurors often turn their feet toward the jury room the instant a witness or attorney they dislike begins to speak. At parties, you might see two people look at each other and even exchange a social smile while their feet will turn away, indicating their mutual dislike.

- Page 106 (location ~ 1618-1633)

TOES POINTING INWARD/PIGEON TOES ?Some people turn their toes inward (sometimes called ?pigeon toes?) when they are insecure, shy, or introverted, or when they feel particularly vulnerable. This behavior, which is generally seen in children but also in some adults, demonstrates some sort of emotional need or apprehension. TOES POINTING UP ?Occasionally, when someone is engaged in conversation, either in person or over the phone, you will see the toes of one foot point up, at an angle, with the heel firm to the ground. This is a gravity-defying behavior, which is usually associated with positive emotions. When good friends run into each other, you will also see this behavior as they talk. EXPOSING SOLES OF FEET ?In many parts of the world, especially the Middle East, Africa, and parts of Asia, displaying the sole of one?s foot or shoe is insulting. When traveling abroad, be careful how you sit?resting the ankle on a knee exposes your soles. It is usually preferable to either keep both feet on the ground or to drape one leg over the opposite knee so that the sole is pointing downward. BOUNCY HAPPY FEET ?We sometimes register an emotional high with happy feet?the feet are animated and jumpy. This is certainly visible in children, when you tell them you?re taking them to a theme park, for example. But we also see it in adults. Poker players, for instance, might bounce their feet under the table when they have a monster hand. While the feet themselves might not be visible, often they will cause the clothing to shake or tremble all the way up to the shoulders.

- Page 107 (location ~ 1633-1646)

TOES POINTING INWARD/PIGEON TOES ?Some people turn their toes inward (sometimes called ?pigeon toes?) when they are insecure, shy, or introverted, or when they feel particularly vulnerable. This behavior, which is generally seen in children but also in some adults, demonstrates some sort of emotional need or apprehension. TOES POINTING UP ?Occasionally, when someone is engaged in conversation, either in person or over the phone, you will see the toes of one foot point up, at an angle, with the heel firm to the ground. This is a gravity-defying behavior, which is usually associated with positive emotions. When good friends run into each other, you will also see this behavior as they talk. EXPOSING SOLES OF FEET ?In many parts of the world, especially the Middle East, Africa, and parts of Asia, displaying the sole of one?s foot or shoe is insulting. When traveling abroad, be careful how you sit?resting the ankle on a knee exposes your soles. It is usually preferable to either keep both feet on the ground or to drape one leg over the opposite knee so that the sole is pointing downward. BOUNCY HAPPY FEET ?We sometimes register an emotional high with happy feet?the feet are animated and jumpy. This is certainly visible in children, when you tell them you?re taking them to a theme park, for example. But we also see it in adults. Poker players, for instance, might bounce their feet under the table when they have a monster hand. While the feet themselves might not be visible, often they will cause the clothing to shake or tremble all the way up to the shoulders. FOOT TAPPING ?This is a familiar behavior used to pass the time, to keep tempo with music, or, like finger strumming, to indicate that we are becoming impatient. Usually just the front of the foot is involved, while the heel remains grounded, but it can also be done with the heel of the

- Page 107 (location ~ 1633-1648)

TOES POINTING INWARD/PIGEON TOES ?Some people turn their toes inward (sometimes called ?pigeon toes?) when they are insecure, shy, or introverted, or when they feel particularly vulnerable. This behavior, which is generally seen in children but also in some adults, demonstrates some sort of emotional need or apprehension. TOES POINTING UP ?Occasionally, when someone is engaged in conversation, either in person or over the phone, you will see the toes of one foot point up, at an angle, with the heel firm to the ground. This is a gravity-defying behavior, which is usually associated with positive emotions. When good friends run into each other, you will also see this behavior as they talk. EXPOSING SOLES OF FEET ?In many parts of the world, especially the Middle East, Africa, and parts of Asia, displaying the sole of one?s foot or shoe is insulting. When traveling abroad, be careful how you sit?resting the ankle on a knee exposes your soles. It is usually preferable to either keep both feet on the ground or to drape one leg over the opposite knee so that the sole is pointing downward. BOUNCY HAPPY FEET ?We sometimes register an emotional high with happy feet?the feet are animated and jumpy. This is certainly visible in children, when you tell them you?re taking them to a theme park, for example. But we also see it in adults. Poker players, for instance, might bounce their feet under the table when they have a monster hand. While the feet themselves might not be visible, often they will cause the clothing to shake or tremble all the way up to the shoulders. FOOT TAPPING ?This is a familiar behavior used to pass the time, to keep tempo with music, or, like finger strumming, to indicate that we are becoming impatient. Usually just the front of the foot is involved, while the heel remains grounded, but it can also be done with the heel of the foot.

- Page 107 (location ~ 1633-1649)

TOE WIGGLING ?Ever find yourself wiggling your toes? Chances are you were feeling good about something, excited, or eagerly anticipating an event. The movement of the toes stimulates nerves that help to alleviate boredom or stress and can signal excitement in much the way happy feet do. AGITATED FEET ?Every parent recognizes the agitated feet of a child who wants to leave the table to go play. Often our feet will telegraph that we want to leave, even in a boardroom full of adults, through excessive uncomfortable movements. These might include repetitive shifting, movement from side to side, foot withdrawal, or repetitively raising and lowering the heels of the feet. NERVOUS PACING ?Many people will pace when they are stressed. This acts as a pacifier, as all repetitive behaviors do. LEGS AS INDICATORS OF DESIRES ?Our legs often signal when we want to get closer to something or someone. Legs and feet will gravitate toward a store window displaying candy, or a person we are interested in. Or we might lean away as if to leave but our legs remain frozen in place because we like the person we are with. LEG TANTRUMS ?These are most often seen in children when they twist, move, and energetically stomp their legs, letting everyone know how they feel. And it?s not just children, from time to time you will see adults do the same, as I did when an executive was bumped from a flight. This is a reminder that the legs also demonstrate emotions, and because these are the largest muscles in the body, they do so with maximum effect. FOOT STOMPING ?Children are not the only ones who stomp their feet to make their feelings known. We often see this when people are exasperated or they have reached the limit of their patience. I?ve observed men and women stomping their feet in lines that move too slowly. Usually the foot is only stomped once, just to get noticed.

- Page 108 (location ~ 1649-1665)

GENERAL FOOT AND LEG AGITATION ?A person may present in an agitated state wherein their feet are restless and they shift or pace, racing to and fro seemingly without purpose. This might be because of a diagnosable event, such as an allergic reaction to a drug, illicit drug use, shock after a tragedy, or a panic attack. Concurrently, they might display clenched fists, fidgety hands, some lip biting, and even eye twitching. This generalized state of agitation is a nonverbal signal that something is wrong and the person is struggling to deal with it. Medical assistance or psychological counseling might be needed. Don?t expect the person experiencing such agitation to be able to speak or think coherently at a moment like this.

- Page 109 (location ~ 1671-1676)

My hope for this book is that it will open your eyes to the world around you, to help you understand and appreciate others through this unspoken language we call nonverbals. But reading about it is only the first step. Now comes the more interesting part: looking for and testing what you have learned. By verifying these observations on your own, ?in the field,? every day, you will develop your own skill set for decoding human behavior. The more you study and verify, the easier it becomes, and you will come to immediately notice signs others miss. We humans are all in the people business. To be attuned to others is to care. Leadership is all about understanding and communicating, and body language is a key piece of that. Effective leaders listen and transmit on two channels: the verbal and the nonverbal. And even though our world is becoming increasingly digitized and depersonalized, face-to-face contact is still extraordinarily important in building relationships, establishing trust and rapport, understanding others, and relating empathetically. Technology has its uses?it helped me write this book?but it has limitations when it comes to selecting a best friend or someone to spend your life with. The nonverbal cues we give, and those we notice in others, matter significantly.

- Page 110 (location ~ 1677-1687)

The Dictionary of Body Language

A Review

Highlights